The moral of this story, never go on those online ex-sexually ambiguous dating services.

*Sniff* Just recalling this memory brings tears to my eyes… M-my friend… He died in a freak boating/nuclear accident when he grew one more of each organ and there wasn’t enough blood to feed his body so he turned into an evil yet misunderstood monster and the townspeople killed him.

Now what’s the moral of this story? Don’t EVER drink and boat or else you’ll run into a nuclear reactor floating on the water and you will mutate into a HIDEOUS, DISGUSTING MONSTER! *sniff*

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to lay an egg? I mean- “COME TO BREAKFAST, WE’RE HAVING EGGS!”

“MOM I”M WARMING MY… Eggs?”

Now what’s the moral of this story? I don’t know… Just don’t lay eggs I guess. Big hassle.

“Hello and welcome back to Animals and you, Hi I’m Alan T and I will be your host this evening. Today I will be showing you a nice gentle little Chinese fur-back panda. Here he is now, hi Herbie *panda enters stage* *host picks up panda* this is a fur-back Chinese panda, he’s very loving, and very gentle, I love these little guy-SON OF A B%$# HE BIT ME! YOU LITTLE MOTHER ^%@#ING ^@# IT’S ON NOW! *host punches panda* *host kicks panda* *host punts panda into oblivion* THATS RIGHT! *host wipes face with shirt* “See us next week with the loving North American Red Fox. “See you again soon!” *host runs to panda but co. workers hold him back* “I’m ok, I’m good” *host walks away, turns back and punches panda*

Now what’s the moral of this story? …Ten bucks on the furry one…

So one day I was walking down the street and I saw a runaway manic, so I thought I could take him and be a haro, but when we got “jiggy with it” he bit me. And he must have had rabies, or an STD. So I was in a coma for fifteen years, and when I awoke I was in a cock fight ring to my dismay.

Now what’s the moral of this story? Twenty bucks on the chicken.

And now the president of the United States! *audience claps* “Hello, we have good news; we have found the weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. And we will be bringing the troops back *audience claps* and lowering taxes. We will also build more oil refineries. And we will get more food for the homeless and find a cure to cancer. May God bless us all… -Hey, does this microphone look like a giant robot penis to you guys? I mean it looked like that all *my* life but just asking…

Now what’s the moral of this story? Moral? What moral?

So one day I was walking down the street when an enormous fat lady hit on me. I mean have you ever wondered how disturbing it is just to have a conversation with a fat lady? I mean you can hardly even talk to them; you’re looking at their fat the whole time. It’s like “Oh hello Alan.” and then I replied “Oh hey Mrs. Blubberson-I mean-Bobson.” I mean seriously.

“So… how are you these days?”

“Umm yes ahh I’m off work today because I’m sick and someone is blubbering-I mean covering! For me.” *eye twitches violently*

“You have to tell me where you work honey.” *fat jiggles tauntingly*

“Well … I work at an assembly line for a fat-I mean MAT! Company. Err- I have to umm…go…to a place. Nice meeting you Mrs. Blub-err-Bobson.” *jumps down sewer drain*

Now what’s the moral of this story? *shivers violently*

So I was walking down the street one day and I saw a dog, but this was no ordinary dog. It wore a top hat with a matching blouse. A red one to be exact.

Now what’s the moral of this story? I’m running out of material.

Oh yeah, and this other time I was walking in a park when a bear attacked me. Even though it was a local park with swings and see-saws it still attacked me. There must have been a circus in town or something and they must have been poking it because Mr. Bear wasn’t very friendly. When I got up from the ground I realized I was in a coma for fifteen years and hte playground was now a male strip bar. Like a hungry baby in a topless bar I was confused.

Now what’s the moral of this story? Life is random… Make a sandwich. (c)Alan Temps