Going from kindergarten into first grade was quite a significant change for me. Now, instead of only being at school for a half day, I had to be there for the better of six or seven hours, the entire day. I wasn’t sure what to think about this change. There was a lot more structure to the day. Not only was I learning more classroom written rules, but there were a few more social unwritten rules to observe. This was where I first noticed that the change of routine thing became difficult for me.

During my first-grade year, I was somehow able to develop an even better friendship with Eric. Eric and I were always out on the playground together, playing some kind of game involving running around, hiding, or chasing each other. There were a few other kids that played with us. While most of the kids were often running around, starting some kind of trouble with one another, I seemed to be rather quiet and kept to myself as much as I could. Even within the group that I was playing those games with, I often seemed to wander about by myself and not really fit in with the rest of the group.

I was spending much of my time alone because I didn’t seem to be able to fit in or hang out with the other kids. Even in the classroom, I felt like the other kids seemed to know something I didn’t about socializing, and this really threw me for a loop. Of course, I had no idea that there was any meaning behind socializing, nor do I think I even knew what the word socializing meant in itself, but I could tell there was just something different about the other kids or something different about me.

First grade was the first time in my life when I experienced someone being mean to me or teasing me. Recently, I found a definition in the dictionary about what a bully is. A bully is “a blustering, quarrelsome, overbearing person who habitually badgers and intimidates smaller or weaker people.” One of the bullies that I most remember is a boy by the name of Stephan. Stephan was a rougher kid who didn’t seem to know how to follow the rules set forth in the classroom. No matter what the teacher would ask Stephan to do, he always seemed to end up doing something completely opposite and disrupting the class. There was another bully by the name of Shawn. He was a really big kid who, if he wanted to, could pretty much scare any kid. Between these two students, I was often made fun of, if not a little bit abused. To this day, I’m not sure if it’s something that they meant to do or if they were just being themselves and not realizing that they were bothering or hurting someone else. A lot of times it’s just assumed that everyone knows social rules and norms. It’s just something we expect people to know and follow. Sometimes neurotypicals can be programmed to have a negative reaction to someone who is not following the social norms the way that they think they should be.