The very first I have ever written.

When I was younger, I was sort of shy. If I saw a pretty girl, I would go to a friend of mine and tell them I wanted to date that girl. Wow, what a difference Ten years can make, now I say whatever I want whenever I want without the concern of what others think. If I could go back, how many times have you said that to yourself? I think I say it every day, that and the saying “if I had the chance to do it again” that seem to be on my mind a lot. I feel as though I missed out on a lot of things I could have done. I was invited to the “cool” parties and out with the same crowd, but I never went with them. For some reason I realized it was all one big mask for what was really happening. These groups that you join and are removed from as a teenager sometimes cause undue stress in your life. Most parents think high school is the same, as when they were teenagers, I know its not. The teens that I hung out with grew up and forgot about those friends they had in high school. Most of them remember who you are but have a hard time dealing with what is in the present to make the time to talk about the past. Now let’s get back to the girls. Some girls thought I was under them because I wasn’t in the same “social bracket” as them. I found out later that it was just the opposite. They were most likely more together then I am now. If I could change one thing, I would have looked at the signs. You know, subtle little signs, like when the girl I wanted to get with was watching me lift weights, and waited for me afterward only for me to see her, get embarrassed, and turn around and walk the other way. Now how much more obvious could she have made it.

At the time I was thinking she was waiting for someone else and the reason I turned around was because I pissed she wasn’t waiting for me. Although, taking hints has never really been my strong point. I once was the recipient of a note from a beautiful that talked about how she wanted to meet me at her house that night after midnight. I sent a letter back that said, “After midnight, damn you must stay up late.” As you can see from my reaction I never spent much time with that girl. Another time was in the summer and I was delivering newspapers early in the morning for extra cash. I delivered to the house of one of my “loves” and one morning I saw her getting out of her car at 3 a.m. and she came up to me to say hi. She asked if I wanted to come in for a while, I told her I still had a lot left to do on my route and I would be done in about an hour. She asked me to come back, and I told her I would be kind of sweaty and I would need a shower, she said I could take one with her. At that moment I asked the most hideous question, I said “why would I want to take a shower with you, its kind of a personal thing isn’t it?” She looked at me and said never mind and walked into her house. I was thinking what it was I had done wrong when it occurred to me that she really just wanted to get with me, something that I figured out just a little too late. These things seem to happen to me all the time. When I first went to college I was checking out all the girls and didn’t realize till after I quit, that they were doing the same. Oh well, it must not of been meant to be.

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