The Revenge of the Little Dogs

On Friday May 8th a tragedy befell one of the eldest and most respected members of our small and tightly-knit community.

While outside enjoying the warm air and the sunshine Sally Heifer was viciously attacked by three culprits. She was shown no mercy even as she bellowed for help and attempted to fight off her killers. In the end her struggle was almost justified as she kicked one of them, killing her instantly. The eldest of the pack, Lulu was dead upon impact and left by her murderous companions.

A witness to the fleeing of the scene, Officer Ronald Green stated “I’ve never seen suspects run away that fast… and on such short legs too.” After being caught the murderers were identified as Lulu Blair (deceased), Zoe Reichert, and Snickers Burgett. After being interrogated by the police, only Zoe had anything to say, “We were just sick of being carried around and being unable to defend ourselves.”

It was decided that the three had secret meetings at the Varsity Softball games they attended and after deciding to team up, picked their target because of her size. “We figured killing a cow would make people give us some respect,” said Zoe.

The remaining two criminals have been sentenced to death by lethal injection, the local veterinarian will perform the procedure. Those scheduled to be in attendance include Sally’s calf Bessy, and various other toy dogs in the community. A protest is expected to be held sometime later this week. The high-pitched barking will surely cause a disturbance and Animal Control is gathering volunteers to help catch the dogs should the need arise.

The first civilian on the scene, who chose to remain anonymous said, “I’ve never seen such little dogs band together to take down a cow before…it was unbelievable.” It just goes to show that we must show respect to all members of the community, and always be on our guard against those who look harmless. Because it might be the cats the next time.

(This is dedicated to the C-S Varsity Softball Team of 2009!)