This is the first couple of paragraphs to a story have completed I want to know what people think before I send it away for publishing. so leave a comment telling me what you think.

It has been twenty years since Jyn had been found by the Elf King.  She is now a beautiful young woman. Jyn has long blond hair and gorgeous blue eyes, her skin has a pale complexion and she has long pointy ears -which are definitely the sign of a high elf, her skin is smooth to touch and She wears a long blue and white robe with a shimmering silver cape. Tomorrow it is going to be Jyn’s twenty first birthday, this is the age elves have to take their Sacred dagger to the Sacred Stone Tablet; they do this to unleash their true powers before they are lost forever.

Early the next morning, Jyn’s step father; the king told her,

“Daughter it is time. Time for you to take your Sacred dagger to the stone tablet for you to unleash your true powers.”

“Yes father.” Jyn replied, the king handed her the dagger and said,

“You have until tomorrow at sundown.”

With this Jyn went to her room the dagger clutched in her palm she took it out of the pouch and began to read the inscriptions,

She or He who places their dagger into the

Sacred Stone Tablet will gain their destined powers.

On the hilt there was more writing this read,

Jyn Taranja.

Fire , Earth , Air & water

After A few moments Jyn grabbed her travelling cloak and left the palace. Without being noticed she went out of the fortress and followed the dirt road.

Her quest had begun.

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Comments (2)
  • poet12345 on Sep 27, 2009

    come on guys and gals leave me some comments :)

  • Mr.Khaos. on Sep 27, 2009

    Good intro, keep going with it, looking forward to hearing more :)

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