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The Sarah, Antimatter, and The Secretive Society

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Well now that I’ve typed the title I have to figure out some way to connect those disparate items of dubious interest into a Pulitzer worthy tome.  Here goes:

Sarah watchers were thrilled recently with personal up close views of The Sarah wielding what looks like a huge shotgun or small howitzer or something, apparently used to kill hairy mammoths or other Alaskan giant fauna.  The Sarah’s television miniseries, “The Sarah’s Alaska”, which featured the Smith & Wesson photo-op, lost more viewers in the first week than the population of Alaska.  Views from the first week to the second week dropped from 5 million to 3 million, disproving the theory that nobody pays attention to what they are watching.

(Look out Dick Cheney lovers, if The Sarah points that thing your way there will be no apologies if it “accidently” goes off, haha.) 

The Sarah pulled out her big guns this week when she sternly reminded her listeners of our country’s commitment to “our North Korean allies”, a faux pas of biblical proportions to our real allies, whoever they may be.  (I’m not sure if “whoever they may be” pertains to our “real allies” or to “her listeners”.)

But The Sarah, disavowing her Superstardom, quipped that she would “rather be out there in the open spaces than in some stuffy old office”, and we whole heartedly agree, as do 87% of people who can read this.  The opener the spaces, the better. 

Republican women of the female persuasion are flocking to “Secretive Society” clubs to do what they can to further The Sarah’s cause, which is a Secret.    (But once in The Oval Office, The Sarah will rename Alaska “Washington DC”, and all that that entails, if that tells you anything.  That way Washington can keep an eye on Russia, across the border, um, lake.)

Volunteers for the Secretive Society can apply for membership at Secret Clubhouses, at Secret Locations, which are kept Secret, by the Secretive Society.   We would report on their platform or strategy, but they are Secret.   We think they fill little bags with tea, knit sweaters and scarves and study maps of Alaska, one of the original thirteen colonies, according to The Sarah.  According to Alaskan History, after Columbus discovered Alaska everything went south.   But The Far North Will Rise Again!

But at the heart of the matter is “Antimatter”, stuff so inhumanly explosive that one drop can destroy the Universe, and then some.

“We need to control Antimatter production and keep it from falling into the wrong hands!  If the wrong hands are made of Matter then everything will go up like an M-80!  We need to build checks and balances that will guarantee that all future Antimatter adheres to Department of Energy standards and checks and balances.  Checks and balances will check and balance those quadrants that produce Antimatter, but not Matter.  Black Ops will look at Dark Matter.  Matter is best left to the Department of Agriculture, and We will make Al Gore Czar of Matter, in the event that We should acquire some high office.”

Displaying the spunk that has made The Sarah everyone’s closet hottie, She defied the laws of physics themselves, when she declared “Anything is possible!” to the cheering onlooker.

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http://www.triond.com/users/LewSethics

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http://authspot.com/short-stories/looking-for-intelligent-life/

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Some humor for the Holiday season:

http://authspot.com/poetry/a-yule-tool/

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