lost, gone too far, she searches for a way out from the depths that slowly consume her. love but a drug most powerful, AHH CHOO! allergic. nothing she says, does, writes, thinks, nothing makes sense.

she loved him, her boyfriend, well ex now…but she did! she did really love him. honestly she got into the relationship thinking the worst, but to her amazement he was an extraordinarily promising candidate. genuine in the sense he was actually the first guy she met who was looking for something REAL. oh christ. REAL? she had tried so hard to be real for so many others, she got used to the games, used to playing them, used to being just as competitive as the boys, and when it came to her, it was simultaneous…one, two, three strikes, YOU’RE OUT. mmm, lust, so captivating, passion, so explosive as its seeps through your veins, pleasurable indulgences orgasmic so much so the universe quakes around you as for one moment you are so completely still, so satisfied that everything bad, is gone. briefly. adrenaline pumping throughout all of you, feeding the part of you that begs, and pleads you to escape the reality that keeps you so, dull, conformed, suffocated. the physical aspect so enticing and enthralling. it’s like a cool breeze brushing your shoulder, as you remember the soft, silky, almost satin like touch of a forbidden lover you once had, as you hear them once more whisper your name so sultry, and dangerous.

at the first stages of their love, everything was a secret. see she had a habit of crushing, literally, and figuratively. which she thought slightly dampened other people’s views of her since the people closest to her had brought that to her attention so many times before. but why not, take another chance, what the hell; caution is taken with the wind as SENSE leaves you completely.

there she is though; in the dark corner at the end of the hallway as she looks back devilishly, seductively biting her bottom lip. turning around, putting her back to the wall, and as his eyes went up from her boots, to her thick thighs came to an end at the dimples below her not particularly large, however still very juicy backside following that to her lusciously voluptuous hips, making his way up to her breasts, the subtle cleavage that gave his mind enough room to wonder, up to her innocent pout, lips so soft, delicious, pursing with such a longing invitation, and finally to her piercing green eyes that reached into his soul, and captured his heart. that single second, a kiss so toxic, so deadly, gave birth to something in their eyes so insanely beautiful. as expected in love you take the ups with the downs and cherish every waking moment because you’ll never know if you will ever have something this/that good again, but as very well known in life, you can’t force the pieces of a puzzle together…her whole heart wasn’t invested in it, infact she was SURPRISED when he revealed to her that his intentions for their future were true. she wasn’t used to all this, so many others had made her feel so disposable. she had been accustomed to disappointment; nobody could measure up because they all tried to use her, hold her captive, and leave her hanging, dripping from a clothes line showered in the devastation of yet another broken heart. finally, here was the guy to break the hex that was put over her. but she had no idea that it was a process, that it was a rollercoaster ride she just might not be ready to stomach. problem after problem seemed to be arising, what once was making her so happy, was now leading her down the road we all seem to be familiar with, destruction. smiles turned to tears, and where there used to be trust, was now speculation and question. the feelings that prompted encouragement and a type of euphoria were now, slowly but surely leading to spite, bitterness, paranoia, and complications. what was once so warm, comforting, and secure was now tearing her apart. the constant thoughts of what to do, what to say, how to feel, how to respond, act, live, be, all drove her to insanity. she had never felt so lost, and frightened.