It was funny, after a few days of sitting around, she came by again. All I could think was “I didn’t order a pizza.” And I didn’t. Something drew her here, and whatever it was, I didn’t like it. I had to answer the door naked, for I burnt all my clothes. As much as I hated the sight of another human, I let her in. Needless to say, she was disgusted at what she saw. A pile of soot, and burnt remains in the middle of my apartment floor, no material possessions, just a big, black pile, of what used to be things I cherished. And writing across all the walls. I liked to write, but I honestly don’t know if what I wrote on the walls even made sense. Probably not.

I like to think she stopped by out of curiosity. I know I was curious. Then again, maybe it wasn’t a look of disgust on her face. Maybe it was a look of love. It had been so long since I dealt with people, I couldn’t tell. Compassion eludes me. Months, and months went by. She lived with me, oddly enough not saying a single word. It wasn’t long, before I started to think “Maybe I just imagined her.” She would leave, and bring back food from time to time. It seemed just enough to keep me alive, but even then, hunger caused delusions, and it wasn’t long before I thought about cannibalism. If she was a figment of my imagination, she might taste pretty good, right?

Even when I expressed my thoughts of cannibalism out loud, she’d just turn to me, and smile, never said a word. She didn’t seem frightened, or emotional in any way. It started to get on my nerves a bit. I had always seen T.V. specials about the horrible things men did to their wives. I wasn’t one to beat a girl, but I had to get my emotions out somehow. I thought maybe my love would be reciprocated, so I started with a soft touch. First caressing her firm, but perky breasts. A soft squeeze of the nipple, a quick tongue whip between her ever so inviting legs, her lips parted like rosebuds. It was oh so succulent, like my first taste of honey.

But avast! Even in the darkest, dank corners of my imagination, there are hints of emotion. Not so with this girl. Not the slightest hint of movement, or barely a sound. Her eyes rolled a little if I shook her hard enough. But I couldn’t stand the longevity of her ice cold stare. Her eyes hurt my soul. No matter how loud, or long I screamed at her, she wouldn’t close her eyes. How stubborn she could be! I got so infuriated by her blatant refusal to close her eyes that I hit her. Not just once, but as much as I could, until my knuckles started to bleed. Oh what an outlet I had found! But not once did she scream, moan, or make the slightest wince of pain. The more I screamed, and hit, the longer she stared, and the gaze only infuriated me more.

With time I became calm. I decided to find another way to solve the problem. Erratically, I began to dig through the pile of burnt rubble in the middle of my apartment floor. Towards the bottom of the pile, I found four safety pins, which I was unusually exited to shove through her eyelids. “Let’s see you stare now!” I yelled as I pinned her eyes shut.

This only solved part of the problem. Two safety pins in each eye lid simply split her gaze into thirds! Now I had three times the problem! It only got worse and worse, and as I got hungrier, and hungrier, my thoughts turned again to cannibalism. The choice was between this and suicide. It was common knowledge, at least to me, that those who “off themselves” so to speak, go to hell. Is this what I wanted? Or would I dawn such a fate upon myself either way considering I have thoughts of eating the one I love.

I could at least eat the eyes. Good nutrition, no more staring, it’s a win, win situation. But it was against my nature to eat my true love. So, for now I shall wait. Wait in silence. In debate. To debate my fate, while I masturbate! The hunger pains me so. And after years of waiting, and attempting to “off myself” again, and again, I realize……I am invincible! Invincible in hell!!!