“What do you mean you screwed it up already?”

“I’m not meant for a relationship.”

“You’re telling me. That was the third relationship you screwed up this year alone.”

“I know and everyone I think has potential, but it just ends up always breaking my heart.”

“Don’t tell me you tried being romantic again did you.”

“Maybe just a little.”

“Come one man did you not learn anything from your past mistakes? Girls don’t like a romantic guy anymore and especially they do not like the kind of romantic that you are. What was it this time?”

“I’m not saying it.”

“Come on say it I won’t tell anyone.”

“This one’s bad.”

“It can’t be more embarrassing than the time you accidentally took three of my adderal when you thought it was cold medicine.”

“Alright so it’s not worse, but it’s pretty bad.”

“Yeah running around work knocking over aisle screaming a squirrel’s chasing you is hard to top.”

“You fuck I had gone four days without sleep and you speeded me up. I was exhausted and hyped up. It started making me trip out.”

“You’re telling me they told me the next day when I went into work that they almost believed for a second that you were really being chased by a rabid squirrel, so at least you could be a good actor.”

“Drop it, I still feel like an idiot about that one.”

“Well are you going to tell me what you did?”

“Fuck it, whatever you’ll probably find out eventually anyway. Well it started on a Monday night. Things were going great. We had great chemistry. We had been seeing each other for about two weeks at the point of the “incident”.”

“Just tell me what it was”

“Let me tell the whole story.”

“Why I don’t give a shit about the emotional stuff I just want to hear what you did this time.”

“Alright fine I’ll sum it up. So she had slept over four days in a row and every morning when I went to work I’d leave her still sleeping. She told me she felt lonely in the mornings and she wished she had something to remind her of me there with her, so the fifth morning I came up with something that I thought was pretty clever. I woke up 10 minutes early for work and without waking her up I got a marker and here it is, and remember when I tell you this, it was supposed to be romantic and clever. I took the marker and wrote a giant I love you in reverse on her forehead, so when she looked in the mirror in the morning she would see it and laugh and think it was romantic.”