He nodded. ”Do you know what electrons are?”

I nodded back. “Yeah. We learned about them last year in chemistry class. Don’t expect me to remember anything,” I said, placing the pen down on the tablet.

“Well,” he started, “we’ve never been able to see electrons. Because the sheer act of looking at them changes their position and all kinds of other quantum things.”

“Quantum?”

He laughed. “Forget I ever even said it. We can’t even prove electrons exist because we’ve never seen them.”

“Oh,” I said, holding my thoughts on the notion for a second. “That’s another thing- I make mountains of mole hills. I know it sounds dorky, but I do- I worry too much and make big things out of nothing. I think there is something there when there is nothing at all. Like electrons.”

He nodded and scrunched his brow. “Do find yourself paranoid a lot?”

I nodded. “Yeah. I mean, I get paranoid about how people see me. What they’ll think. If I’ll ever amount to anything. I mean, I was nervous for this meeting today. I was afraid what you would think of me.”

He nodded. “That’s understandable. You’ve got a lot going on right now, perhaps it is best that you have forty-five minutes every week to clear it all away and talk about it.”

“I don’t know,” I said. “I don’t think this is necessary. I make these conclusions by myself all the time.”

“I’m sure you do,” he said, “but a lot of the process is releasing those feelings to someone else. Getting them off of your shoulders.” He sighed. “Let’s return to ‘the observer affecting the observed.’”

“Okay,” I said.

“You feel as if the world is observing you, judging you. This makes you paranoid. The observer affects the observed. I am observing you.”

I cringed.

“I am observing you, and in turn, I am affecting you. I can see it.”

I looked at the floor. “I don’t have to finish this list, do I?”

He chuckled. “No. But let’s make a deal. You and I meet one more time, okay? And if you want to stop meeting after that time, we will. Okay? I’ll tell your mom that she has no say and we’ll just stop meeting. How’s that sound?”

I sighed, and placed the notebook and pen on the coffee table. “Yeah, okay.”

He smiled again. “Good. I’ll see you next week. On the way out, you can schedule with my secretary.” He stood. ”Well, it has been nice meeting you.”

I stood as well. “Yeah, you too.”

He put his hand out so I could shake it. “I’ll see you next week. And try your best to remember what we have talked about today. Apply it to your life.”

I nodded and shook his hand. “Yeah, okay.”

We said our goodbyes, and I walked out of his room with an odd feeling inside. I scheduled with the secretary for another appointment, and while doing so, I remembered what he said.

The observer affects the observed. You become the judging. She wasn’t judging me, I hoped. She smiled and helped me with finding a good time for next week’s appointment. She wrote it on a nice little reminder card which I took from her. She told me to have a nice day and I did so in return.

Before the appointment, I would have thought she didn’t mean it, and it was only a commonplace remark.

But perhaps, through the light of what we talked about today, she did mean it.