I remember being six or seven and losing a tooth. I put my tooth under the pillow and the following morning, I awoke to find a Dick Tracy toy (of one of the villains, not the one played by Al Pacino). I played with that toy for an entire day. I loved that toy for an entire day. However, I was a little rough it and broke its arm. I said to myself, “I’ll put it under my bed and The Tooth Fairy will obviously come and replace it.” So I put the Dick Tracy toy under my pillow, in the original package, and lo and behold the following morning, I discovered it was still there.

Apparently, The Tooth Fairy has some sort of “no-refund policy”. Now I was stuck with a toy with a broken arm. I don’t know why she gave me a toy over money. I guess she was experimenting with a new strategy. This was how I discovered The Tooth Fairy wasn’t real. If The Tooth Fairy wanted to give me a toy instead of cash that was fine, but I felt she shouldn’t have given me a defective one whose arm was going to break easily. If the toy did break it seemed reasonable that she should at least replace this toy with one of equal or lesser value. I would have gladly taken a Hot Wheel’s or a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles toy instead of having a Dick Tracy villain with only one working arm. Apparently, The Tooth Fairy didn’t share my line of reasoning.

I asked my mother “Why didn’t The Tooth Fairy replace the toy?” – “Maybe she felt like you should treat your toys better. That if she got you another toy you’d only break that one like you did this one.” – “It’s not fair.” – “Life’s not fair. Why should The Tooth Fairy be any different?” I walked away after that. How do you reply to that? I tried again that very night to get The Tooth Fairy to either give me another toy or at least put another toy under my pillow. The following morning I found a five dollar bill there and the toy was also gone. I was overjoyed though in retrospect I kind of wonder if The Tooth Fairy was cheapskate. I appreciated her giving me a toy for my tooth but she did she have to buy the cheapest one?

I ecstatically told my parents what The Tooth Fairy did. I was obviously happy and my parents were glad that I was. I said, “I betcha you, I’ll get another five dollars tonight. I’ll just break one of my other toys I don’t like anymore and leave it under my pillow.” Genius idea. My parents didn’t agree. One of them said, “You shouldn’t push your luck.” I ignored my parent’s suggestion and later that day proceeded to tear the arm off another toy. This, luckily, for reasons that will soon be very apparent, was a toy whose arm could easily be reattached once detached. I put the amputated toy under the pillow. The following morning I found the toy still there along with a dime where there wasn’t one before. $4.90 less than I expected. Don’t push your luck.