In high school, like, every few weeks, a speaker will come in from some college you’ve probably never even heard of.  For me, it’s always my English class.

So, first thing in the morning, or whenever, you see that a stranger is in the classroom and your teacher’s just sitting at her desk, chillin’ and you’re thinking, “Oh dear, what’s this, then?”  You sit down and notice that on the blackboard is some scrawl that says the college name and probably Mr./Ms./Mrs. so-and-so’s name and this turns out to be the stranger standing up front just waiting for everyone to get settled in the classroom.

Alright, and then the bell rings and all your classmates are seated and their chatter is quieting and your teacher introduces the stranger.  (We’ll call him Mr. Frank.)  Mr. Frank cheerfully greets the class and your people are like, “Hey” all bored-like or “Hey!” all sarcastic-like.  Whatever the fuck, Mr. Frank doesn’t care.

Now Mr. Frank gives a speech about who he is and what this college is all about.  (We’ll call the college the University of Education, or UE.)  He says a lot of phrases that begin with “Here at UE…”, “At UE we care about…”, “UE isn’t for everyone, but…” and you’re like, “Oh, really?” No way are you interested.  Or maybe you are.  I don’t know.

So 10 minutes go by, 5 more and now Mr. Frank’s got a video for you guys!  “Okay, now I’m going to show you a video about UE.  Don’t worry it’s only 6 minutes long.”  Very few chuckles and sniffs sound from your peers, maybe even you.  And this video is SO cheesy: all these students at UE are smiling and there’s these random shots of kids sitting under trees on the campus, studying and laughing together.   SOMEONE has an acoustic guitar at one point or another.

Finally, the video ends and Mr. Frank goes, “Okay, any questions?”  If this is a lame presentation, then of course there aren’t any questions; if it was a decent one, a few hands shoot up.  But anyways, next comes the contact cards, those little fancy cards the speaker passes out to everyone so you can give them all your information.  You give them your phone number so they can call you in two weeks while your family’s dinner.  You give them your address so they can mail you a thick package of brochures and magazines about UE.

So do you fill out one of these cards?  Of course you do.  Wouldn’t want to seem rude, would you?  Maybe so, so you take one just to doodle on or fill out the contact info of someone in Canada that probably doesn’t even exist.  Lucky you if they do, you’ve just succeeded in a prank.

Them college presentations.