Full of detailed visuals, experiences beyond my nightmares, things I always told myself I’d never become a part of… but I still have this aching hole inside me.

This black hole begging to be filled with some sort of substance (though not necessarily drugs or alcohol), but something to make me feel full again. I’ve heard of my friends’ experiences and of the dangers of drugs and yada yada, and I always tell myself that will never be me. I’m strongly against drug and alcohol use, and would classify myself as something most would call “straight edge”. Which is cool with me.

I’m proud to stand up for what I believe in, but sometimes it hits me out of nowhere. This curiousity and hunger to really know and understand the “high” these people get. I know I’ll never truly know since I will never experience it myself… or will I? Sometimes my faith and hope is lost when my severe depression sets in and I just seek acceptance. Just a friend to listen and be there for me.

So I’ve gone through anorexia because of my insecurities and sought relationships with people online whom I really didn’t know, yet somehow trusted them to take care of me one day when I planned to run away to live with them… Sometimes guys 6-8 years older than me… I know I’m not the only one that has this gaping loneliness sometimes. So how does everyone else cope with it all? Sincerely, Seeking Happiness