“I don’t understand you sometimes,” said Two-Face, reaching up for the pumpernickel.

“Get the rye too,” said Venom.

“I didn’t forget, I didn’t forget,” Two-Face assured him, going for the rye. 

“Na I mean, we express allegiance to the Symbiote.”

“We?” Two-Face snarled.

“No no,” said Venom. “I just always say ‘we’ instead of ‘I’. You know…’cuz I’m loyal to the Symbiote?” 

Two-Face was getting tired of Venom always trying to accuse him of having no sense of loyalty. “We like to leave things to chance, okay? That’s the way to do it.”

Venom was on the verge of tears. “You never give me credit for anything.”

Two-Face shook his head. “Venom, you, Sony and Sam Raimi owe over 400 million people a total of nine dollars and whatever they paid for concessions when they took the time to go see your crappy movie. You ruined 400 million summers, you realize that, don’t you?” 

“Jeez,” Venom replied, “Aaron Eckhart ruining an exchange of dialogue. And I thought I saw everything.”

“You’re right,” retorted Two-Face, “Much better to watch the master let Donna boss him around for twenty minutes and then throw another fit when he works up the nerve to say boo big red.”

Venom was getting tired of this. “Who in the world decided it was okay to put Harvey Dent in the same league as VENOM?!” 

But Two-Face argued that it was more of a function of Spider-Man 3 sucking then Dark Knight being put on a pedestule. “Two Spidey movies, an Evil Dead trilogy, AND DARKMAN!!! All that work down the freaking toilet! Spider-Man 3 was like Home Alone and Sam Raimi’s John Hughes.”

“You just compared Spider-Man 3 to Home Alone and I’m supposed to be insulted?” 

“Compared to the Breakfast Club, Planes Traines and Automobiles, the National Lampoon movies and Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, yes. Home Alone is an insult to the John Hughes legacy. Just like Spider-Man 3 is an insult to Sam Raimi.”

“Okay,” Venom said, “So you declare that you’re gonna fight corruption, fight the mob, fight the JOKER…and what do you manage to fight…Commissioner Gordon’s 9-year old boy who was so reclusive the only time there’s less of a reaction from the kid when he finds out his dad is dead is when he finds out his dad is still alive. I’m sure he put up an incredible fight against you.”

“Oh my god are you serious?” Two-Face replied. “You’re one to talk about cheap shots and harming innocent civilians!”

“We used to believe in Harvey Dent,” argued Venom. “Nobody got their hopes crushed because they ‘used to believe in Eddie Brock’.” 

“I was a marginalized thing that was elevated to magnificence!” said Two-Face.

“And I was a magnificent thing that was heavily marginalized!” answered Venom.

Two-Face at that moment decides to make fun of Venom by getting on his knees, mock praying and crying as he looks up towards the ceiling. “Oh please Father, please solve all my supervillain problems for me! Puny Parker put on eyeliner and made me cry and embarrassed me!” 

Venom holds up his thumbs sarcastically. “The Night is Darkest Just Before the Dawn, Ra-Chow!”