They suggest you get here two hours early… for what?  There really wasn’t much we had to do to get through airport security.  We waited in a line.  They looked through our shoes.  They looked through our bags.  They threw away my brother’s toothpaste, deodorant, and hair gel.  If you find out a way to make a bomb or an AK-47 out of those aforementioned toiletries, let me know.

Basically what I’m trying to say is that this whole process doesn’t take long and also that the security guards are a bunch of style-thieves who wanted to get my brother’s high-class toiletries to make themselves look pretty.  Communists.

And yes they’re all a bunch of communists.  And I can prove it!  Actually I can’t, but I can at least substantiate my claim with a bunch of made up facts and quotations from various dignitaries who may or may not “exist.”

One such quotation will be quoted here: 

“People who work at airports are communists.”  -Donald Engleve

Donald Engleve is a world renowned capitalist America loving patriot who wrote the book “Airport INsecurity: How the Socialist Revolution Controls Your Flight.”  In this book Engleve outlines various truths that he has uncovered in his extensive study of the American airport.  First and foremost Engleve brings to our attention the startling fact that the majority of the airport staff members are required to wear uniforms.  Uniforms, in Engleve’s view, promote uniformity, and uniformity promotes communism.  There are no substantial differences in the employees.  They all talk to you in the same condescending manner, they all walk with the same condescending walk, and they all think that their ideology is superior to yours.  If that doesn’t have communism written all over it, I’m not sure what does.

Another startling fact comes from a Pew survey taken in the Fall of 1376 which tells us that 0% of manned attempts at flight have been successful.  This directly contradicts the statistics found on the websites of these airlines which state that manned flights are not only successful but that they are also a convenient and fast way to travel vast distances.  Communist nations, of course, are known to up their statistics to make their exports, economy, and standard of living seem higher.  It appears that they have taken this same facet from their hateful ideology and applied it to the world’s airports.

This report to be continued.