Whoa now wait a minute. This sounds complex to me. What ever happened to a jump to the left, and then a step to the right, with your hands on your hips, you bring your knees in tight? If you have to do all that sliding and shifting to walk like an Egyptian, I’m sticking to the time warp. Besides, why ruin a good paint job on a Cadillac?

“If you want to find all the cops, they’re hanging out in the donut shop, they sing and dance, oh-way-oh they spin the clubs, cruise down the block.”

Only half correct. In my hometown, admittedly the cops did hang out at the donut shop. But who the hell didn’t? The donut shop was THE place to be every morning except Sunday. Not only did they have the world’s best chocolate donuts, but it was also the distribution point of essential county-wide gossip. The past is always a bit fuzzy, but I can safe say I never recall seeing our police force sing or dance in the donut shop. Eat and cuss yes. Sing and dance no.

“All the Japanese with their yen, the party boys call the Kremlin, and the Chinese know, oh-way-oh, they walk the line like Egyptian.”

I can certainly call BS on this one! My hometown had one Japanese-American family, sadly no Russians, and one Egyptian family, don’t knock it, for central Kansas, this was ethnic diversity. Anyway, out of all our fine citizens, you would expect the Egyptian family to walk like Egyptians. I am sorry to report this is simply not the case. I observed, trust me on this one, they did not walk like Egyptians. As a matter of fact, they walked like pretty much everybody else. Was it because they lived in Ellinwood, Kansas? I don’t think so. As I said in the beginning, I think the Bangles lied.

In conclusion, I have the following to say to the Bangles (except you Susanna): Clearly you and Huey Lewis have a great deal in common. You’re both full of crap. (Refer to my column: “Huey Lewis was Full of Crap.”)

Yes, you read that correctly. For twenty years now, I have believed that Ellinwood, Kansas was missing out on something big. Never once in my childhood did I encounter somebody walking like an Egyptian. As a sheltered boy from the Midwest, I never made it to the “big city”, where this walking was apparently going on. But in my older age, I have done research, yes, research, and now, I can say with absolute certainty, nobody, at least in the western hemisphere was walking like an Egyptian. Not even the Egyptians themselves. What do you have to say about that, Bangles? Somehow I suspect that none of you will write a rebuttal. Perhaps you, like Huey Lewis would not be washed up “has beens” had you only been honest with us Midwestern folk.

Born in Kansas, Jeremy “Basil” Dannebohm is a freelance writer who specializes in works of humorous fiction. Mr. Dannebohm enjoys reading the works of Jack Kerouac, Truman Capote, Jean Shephard, and other great authors. In addition to being a contributing author to Cynic Online Magazine, Dannebohm is the Editor-in-Chief of “Uniquely Basil: An Online Arts & Humor Haven.” In his spare time, Jeremy enjoys black and white photography, sampling various wines, and attending events of cultural edification.