Have u ever felt a wave of the ocean? The powerful movement of the ocean as it crashes into u. Well that’s how I feel every time he kisses me. Scratch that, I feel that whenever he touched me. No actually he doesn’t even have to lightly graze my skin and I feel that. Feel it throughout my entire body. Like a love was just taking over me completely I know I sound like a love sick puppy but I just can’t help it. He has this power over me. It was something I have never experienced before. Like I said waves crashing inside of my body. Well today was no different. Today was the day I had to say goodbye to him for the second time. As we stood there beside my 2003 Chevy Impala in each other’s arms all I could feel was the waves. As he kissed me for the last for the next six months I could only feel his hand on my back and the way 300 feet waves were crashing inside of my body. Well that and pain. The most of the pain came though after he let go of me and I got in my car and knew that was the last time I would feel the waves for another six months. God I hate the military. Why do they have to take a 20 year old man, my 20 year old man, and throw him rite in the middle of a war? That doesn’t make any since to me. But maybe it’s just my selfishness clouding my judgment. Well whatever the reason I don’t like it. I don’t like it at all. Imminently after he was gone I wanted him right back. I watched him walk to his dad’s jeep and wanted so badly to just chase him down and hold on to him. I never want to let him go but I especially didn’t want to do it today. I love the way I feel in his arms. I just fit like a puzzle piece perfectly in them. So when they let go of me it’s like all of a sudden a piece of me is missing. Yes today was not a good day. I really did not want to let go of him. It broke my heart so much to watch him walk away from me. “I feel like my two week dream is now turning into a nightmare” I said while digging my face in his chest. “It’s ok; I’ll b home before you know it. I’ll be ok” he assured me. At this point it was getting much harder to not cry. “Well at least I’m handling this goodbye better. Last time I cried.”  He laughed “well true. Everything’s going to be ok. I’m going to b ok, you’re going to b ok, we all going to b ok.”  I tried to give him a convincing smile but I’m sure it didn’t work. “I’m going to miss you so much baby” I said still using every muscle in my body to fight the tears. This time there was no laugh or smile “I’m going to miss you u 2.” After that we kissed 3 more times but its equal to one last time and then there came the word I had been dreading 4 the last 2 weeks, “goodbye.” God what an awful word. Who the hell came up with that word? Whoever it was had to be really lonely and hurting or was just very stupid. That’s like the worst word ever.  But despite the fact that I hate the word so much it came. It came like an earthquake in my heart. He finally pulled away from me looked me in the eyes and said it, “goodbye.” At that moment I had to fight more than ever to keep myself from crying, I’m not going to do this to him again, I’m not going to cry in front of him. So I didn’t I just looked into those beautiful blue/gray eyes of his for the last time and said it back, “goodbye.” We hugged and kissed one more time and then he was gone. I was in my car and watched him walk to that jeep that we have so many good memories in. I can say he tries to make me feel better though because when he got in the jeep he lifted up his pizza box that his best friend had brought him earlier with the big goofy smile on his face that I love so much. But it didn’t really help because all I could think then was that was going to be the last time I saw that adorable smile for the next six months. At that moment I couldn’t hold the tears back but I tried my best to hide them as I drove past his jeep to get out of the parking lot. I managed to make it the farm fresh parking lot before I completely broke down. It had only been a minute since I had seen him but I longed to see him, I ached for his touch. I know it’s sad but it’s like he’s an addiction that I can’t seem to break. I want to be with him all the time. Hell if I could go to Iraq with him I would. Once again I know that’s sad but it’s the truth. I love him so much and I wish he could see that. Or worse, maybe he does see it but just doesn’t want to acknowledge it because he doesn’t feel the same. Of course he doesn’t feel the same. How stupid am I to think that he does? Well even though he doesn’t I can’t help that I love him. Sometimes I wish I could but I can’t. So I sat there in the farm fresh parking lot crying my eyes out. Finally I got myself together and walked in knowing that I had to get WIC for my baby. But even still all I could think about was him. I ached so much to just be back in those arms of his again and to feel so safe and that everything is right in the world. But I knew that I couldn’t no matter how much I wanted to. Well I managed to make it through the store without breaking down, yay point for me. I went back to my car with my groceries and sat in the driver seat getting myself together. You have to go get your son and you have to be strong for him. So after I finally got myself together I left to go pick up the only man that I love who I know loves me back. The rest of my day was mostly a blur. I remember playing with Lucas, feeding him, giving him a bath and then putting him to bed. I remember forcing myself to eat some dinner but could not tell you what it was. Then I got a shower and went to bed. I couldn’t get to sleep so I just laid that thinking of him and wishing he was there lying beside me. I pictured me laying there in his arms without a care in the world. Unfortunately the daydreaming didn’t help at all. So I just laid there feeling so helpless and finally went to sleep not that my dreams were so much better. All I could see was his face fading away from me. Thank god I woke up in the morning to my son crying before the dream could end with him completely gone. I got up feed my son, got us ready and then heading to work. I hoped that maybe work would keep me busy and help me keep my mind off him but of course the one day I needed us to be busy  we were dead. I got cut early did my side work and then left. Not wanting to go home just yet I went to huddle house, the place I last saw him, to try to do some reading. Reading always seems to help me drown out my troubles. It’s like I get too wrapped up in what’s going on in the book to really think about what’s going on in my life. So just as I finally sit down after talking to one of the waitresses about Edward leaving to get into my book a surprise that I really had not expected happened. He walked in! Oh how funny it would’ve been if someone had had a camera to catch my face at the moment that I saw him walking through the door. I could barely hear all the waitresses excitement saying “looks whose here” over my own excitement in my head. He sat beside me and gave a kiss that brought the waves back. He then informs me that his flight isn’t until the next day at 11am. Oh how happy I was to see him. I cannot put into words the joy I felt at that moment seeing him again. We sat there for the next three hours just talking about useless stuff which was perfect because I wanted more than anything to not think about him leaving. So we just sat there talking about anything and everything and it was great. I loved it so much. God I love him so much. I couldn’t keep myself from touching him or looking into those beautiful eyes of his. I could get lost in those eyes. Well our time was up sooner than it should be just like it always is. So here came the part I will never get good at no matter how much practice I have, “goodbye.” He tried to make it easier though god bless him. “Don’t look at this like goodbye, this is just a dream, I’m just I figure of your imagination.” He said with a laugh. “I’ll try but it’s hard.” So we kissed for the last time again and the said our goodbyes. I can say this time I didn’t cry. I was very proud of myself on that point. I guess because I had already said it once made it easier. Well that’s I lie I did cry but I waited till that night when I was alone in my bed. But I’d still say that was an improvement. Well the next day was mostly a blur. Well until 11 o’clock came and I knew he was gone. I wanted to cry but I sucked it up because I was at work and the last thing I needed was for everyone to see me cry. I finally got off and started to hang out with the other man in my life. But I couldn’t help to ignore him because all I had on my mind was Edward. We went to huddle house and that only made it worse because all that did was remind me of how I had to say goodbye to him there, twice. So we sat there for a while then I broke out my laptop and starting reading the first 264 pages of the new Twilight book that I got off the internet. Once he realized that I wasn’t going to pay him any attention he called some of his buddies to join us to keep him company. It was not hard at all to ignore them. Between reading those pages and thinking about Edward my mind was too occupied to care what they were talking about. I’d chime in every once in a while just to not seem too rude. And of course they were talking about stuff that I could care less about. Finally I left to go pick up Lucas just to come back to town to meet him again because we had made plans to go out for seafood that night. God this is going to be a long night I told myself.