“Yes?”

“I just paid the 15 dollar fee to get out of my seat, but the door to the bathroom is locked, I’ve waited and knocked but there’s no answer.”

“Sir, I’m sorry you waited.  Did your credit card not work on the swipe next to the door?”

“I thought it was a credit card swipe for the emergency door.”

“No sir, there is another credit card swipe for the bathroom door, it’s right next to the emergency door.”

“Oh, ok.”

“Will you need toilet paper?  Water? Paper towels?”

“Uh, I’ll need paper towels to wash my hands.”

“Great, the nickel slot next to the sink is for soap, the quarter slot for water and would you like eco friendly towels or the sandpaper?”

“Uh, eco friendly.”

“That will be one dollar.  Do you wish to flush the toilet?”

“Uh yeah.”

“Then please write a check for 10 dollars to our Save the Environment from the Ugly Blue Water fund.”

Welcome to our destination, we are Bailout Airlines are proud that we have an on time arrival.  All seatbelts will automatically release 10 minutes after the plane has reached the gate.  If you wish to release early remember there is that dollar slot that will release once we reach the gate.  All overhead bins are locked and can be unlocked with the quarter slot to the right hand side, they will remain open and unlocked for 1 minute.  If you paid to unlock the legroom in front of your seat, you must pay another fee to unlock your feet or get to your bags.

“Thank you, buh bye.”

“Uh miss?”

“Yes, sir?”

“I thought this plane was going to New York City?  We’re in Washington DC?”

“May I see your ticket…..yes, umm.  You have a C ticket sir, we felt that you didn’t need to go to New York City that you needed to go to Washington DC.”

“But I don’t have a job here in Washington DC.”

“Exactly, thank you for flying Bailout Airlines.  Buh Bye!”