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                                                    What Touches my Heart

Some people make extravagant gestures to those they love, with  expensive presents, and enormous bouquets of flowers. It’s not always that easy to find the words to express how much someone means to you,  or to say sorry when you have hurt them, or to commiserate when they are unhappy,but giving flowers and presents is a reminder of how you feel, and for the person receiving them,  it’s a token of how much they are appreciated, whether it’s a small posy of flowers because cost doesn’t matter, or a big bouquet, it is sent with love.

My son was born with autism, and it was 2 years before it was properly diagnosed. As any mother would, I always knew my little boy was different, he was special, but it didn’t stop me having aspirations for him that he would have a good and happy life, and be fulfilled.

The doctors could not give an opinion of how much progress he could make, or even how  long his life would be, as he had other problems too, so each day brought a new challenge,  and something new for me to learn too.

I saw other families with autistic children, and most of them could speak, but Phil seemed content to make himself understood with noises and gestures, although he learned to laugh and giggle, very heartily at times. I was pleased that he did, because it was a joy to hear him laugh, and I felt reassured that in spite of all his challenges, my very special son enjoyed his life.

It may sound strange, but I was longing for the day when he would call me Mum, that word would be so special on his lips, and my yearning was so strong, that I used to have dreams that he said it to me, so it was disappointing to wake up and realise it was only a dream.

He is 40 years old this year, that is in itself a milestone, and I have learned to accept that he will never speak to me, because he can’t. But I don’t fret about it any more, because although he can’t say Mum, he gives me spontaneous, and very loving hugs, so I know he  loves me. He cannot read or write, but he likes craft work, and he sends me the most beautiful hand made cards on Mother’s day and Valentine’s day, and that little squiggle that he puts inside  is his special signature.

My son has touched my heart in so many ways over the years, and every little gesture of love he shows makes me feel a million dollars, because little things really do mean a lot.