Everyone wants to be a good friend. We feel obligated to tell them they are right even though sometimes we may think they are slightly wrong. We want them to be happy and confident and feel that they are making the right choices. In fact, we usually suck up what we really want to say to our friends in order to prevent hurting their feelings or making them feel like their choices are wrong. There are occasions where you have to say something, but when does it get bad enough to just start breaking hearts?

 I have a friend, who I love and have known for over 10 years. Her husband is an ass that hurts her feelings regularly and degrades her for the choices he forced her to make. Here is a brief rundown of her relationship as she has described over the last few years: She quit college to follow him to Hawaii where he was stationed in the Army. After serving his 4 years he convinced them to let him out on disability due to knee problems. He was released and they moved back to NC. She became employed part-time while he “cared” for their daughter and collected unemployment (he just let her run around and destroy the house while he played video games all day). He finally figured his unemployment was about to run out and decided to get a big-boy job that required he work 40 hours a week. She was forced to quit her job, as the amount she made wouldn’t pay for the daycare for their daughter.

Now, just about every other day, he bitches at her about how she doesn’t do anything. I listen to her complaints and try to help her get over it and move on but it is getting to the point where I don’t really want her to deal with it anymore. He thinks he is better than her because he works and that she doesn’t do anything when in all reality she does EVERYTHING but physically clock in. She does dishes, laundry, cooks, cleans, and continually cares for their rambunctious 2 year-old. Things I can distinctly recall him never doing while he was at home. He justified it at the time because he was so busy with the baby but now that she’s the one at home, this excuse isn’t good enough.

I have tried to tell her to stick it out and try and talk to him and that things may get better, but they have not and from what I can see, are not. In fact, she told him they needed to go to marriage counseling which his job would pay for. She insisted he bring home the paperwork and gave him a deadline to do so. Did he do this simple task? Of course not! I am not sure if it because he felt this would be admitting there is an issue in their relationship or because he just doesn’t care. Either way, I make good on my threats so I don’t know how much longer I can remain quite.

I really just want to say “He is a douche. He isn’t going to change and he could care less about what you do because it will never be good enough. Even if you get a job, you will still be doing all the additional house work so screw it. Stay at home, let him pay the bills and before you move into that new house that is fully in his name, RUN! Let him realize what it really takes to upkeep a nice, clean home.”

When did being an honest, true friend get to be so hard?!