ACT ONE:

Set in the Smiths’ kitchen.

SCENE ONE:
When set is lit up, Chris and Norma are sitting at opposite ends of the kitchen table.   Norma is reading a magazine; Chris is reading through a slim, mouthing the words silently and occasionally sipping from a cup of coffee.

NORMA
Cheer up Chris, life isn’t all rotten.

CHRIS
Yes, I know, it’s only the bit that I’m sitting on that’s made out of shit, and the rest is gold plated over silver, with platinum trim.   But what gets me is that I can’t even walk away because the world keeps altering its rotation to make sure that the same bit of shit is always under my feet.

NORMA
Buck up love, you’ll get a job soon.   They won’t let a bright lad like you go to waste forever.

CHRIS
But I am motivated, mum.   I don’t want to scrounge off the dole or off you and dad forever.

NORMA
I know that Chris, but unfortunately your father doesn’t.
(A beat)
Anyway, don’t blame your father for all of your troubles; he didn’t chase you out of school.

CHRIS
Well, I had to leave eventually.   I couldn’t go on scrounging off you and dad indefinitely.

NORMA
Oh, Chris, you weren’t scrounging off us…

Norma stands and walks across to the stove.   She turns the gas on under three saucepans on top of the stove.

NORMA
I wouldn’t necessarily say that.

CHRIS
What do you mean, mum?

NORMA
I’ve got a chance of a job myself.

Chris quickly turns round on his seat to face Norma, as she walks across to the refrigerator.

CHRIS
Hell, what does dad say about that?

NORMA
I haven’t actually told him about it yet.

She takes a plate of meat out of the refrigerator, carries the plate over to the sink, and prods at the meat with one finger.

Sighing, she reaches down and takes a wooden tenderising mallet from the cupboard under the sink.

CHRIS
Good idea.   My advice is, don’t tell him.   Just take the job, and then once you’ve had it for a while, say ten or twelve years, you can let the subject casually drop into your conversation.   You can say something like, ‘Oh and while we’re talking about the TV, Jack, I’ve had a job for the last eleven years.’

NORMA
Don’t be silly Chris, I have no intention of going behind your father’s back.

She tenderises the first piece of meat, places it into a fry pan on top of-the fourth burner on the stove, then starts to tenderise the second piece of meat.

NORMA
It’s just that I have to break it to him at the right moment.

NORMA (She laughs for a moment.)
Chris, your father isn’t totally unreasonable.   It’s just that he’s a little set in his ways.

CHRIS
Yeah, like quick-drying concrete.   But sometimes it would be nice if he could at least try to see my point of view.

NORMA
Have you ever sat down with him and really tried to explain it to him?   Your father has been working for forty years straight; since he was seventeen, so how could he possibly understand what it is like to be unemployed?

CHRIS
He wouldn’t listen if I did try to explain it to him.

NORMA
How do you know?   You’ve never even given him a chance.   Perhaps if you could be reasonable about it, you might be surprised to find that he can be reasonable too.

JACK
Don’t rush on my account, I’m not particularly hungry.

JACK
I’ve just been sacked!

NORMA
What?

CHRIS
How come?

JACK
The firm was going bust, so they decided to close down a couple of sections, including the one where I work.

NORMA
But you’re their longest serving employee!   Surely they could have found a job for you in another section?

JACK
It’s because I’m their longest serving employee that old Withers gave me the news as soon as he heard it.   But apparently I’m not the only long-timer there, and they just couldn’t afford to carry us all in other sections.

NORMA
When does your section close down?

JACK
This Friday.   Apparently they want to get the ball rolling as quickly as possible.

NORMA
But don’t they have to give you some kind of notice?   TO give you a chance to find another job first.

JACK
They’re giving me three months’ severance pay, to tide me over till I find another job.

CHRIS
Three months?   You’ll be lucky to find another job that quickly.

JACK
No worries, I’ll soon get another job, long before three months is up.

NORMA
But you’ve been working there for forty years!   You must be entitled to about fifteen months’ severance pay.

JACK
Struth give them a break, they’re going broke already.   Besides, you know I’m not one to live on charity.

NORMA
Charity?   But it’s your entitlement   And how about giving us a break?   How are we supposed to survive with you and Chris both out of work?

CHRIS
You heard me!

JACK
Well, maybe you’d like to repeat it!   Sometimes I’m not too quick on the uptake!

Chris turns and starts to walk off stage.

JACK (Shouting.)
If you’re old enough to cheek me Chris, maybe you’re old enough to start thinking about leaving home!

CHRIS (Shouting.)
Maybe I am at that!

He glares at Jack for a moment, and then storms off stage.

Norma turns to glare toward Jack.
NORMA (Angrily.)
How can you be so dam heartless?   You know Chris can’t possibly afford to live away from home!

JACK (Sounding deflated.)
Oh hell.
(He slumps back onto his chair.)
I don’t intend to drive Chris away from home.   But why’d he have to go and talk to me like that?

Norma goes across to sit beside Jack.

NORMA
Because after four years on the dole Chris needs your understanding, not abuse.   So natch he couldn’t resist the chance to give you a bit of your own back.

JACK
Well, how about a bit of understanding for me?   How do you think I feel, having a son living on the dole for more than four years straight?

NORMA
No worse than Chris feels, after being on the dole for more than four years straight.

She goes across to attend to the food cooking on the stove.

JACK
well whose fault was that?
(Turning on his chair to face Norma.)
I didn’t want him to leave school so young.   I had to leave school myself at seventeen to get a job, because the old man couldn’t afford to support me any longer.   So I wanted Chris to get a better education than I had.
(A beat)
So what did he do?   He turned around and knifed me in the back!

NORMA
You mean he knifed himself in the back.   All you’ve got is hurt pride; Chris is the one who has had to live with being unemployed for so long.

JACK
And I’m the one who has to live with the shame of being unemployed and having a son already ahead of me on the dole!

NORMA
Well, you don’t have to worry about that anymore.
(A beat)
Chris isn’t on the dole anymore.
 
JACK
You don’t mean to tell me that he’s finally done the right thing and gone and found himself a job?

NORMA
No, I mean those bastards down at the employment centre have finally done the wrong thing and thrown him off the dole!

JACK (Shocked.)
Thrown him off the dole?   Hell I didn’t know they could even do that!

NORMA
Oh pull your head out of the sand Jack, the bloody government can do whatever it likes!

JACK
Why’d they throw him off?

NORMA
For knocking back a job.

JACK
Then it’s his own bloody fault!

NORMA
Christ Jack, the job meant almost three hours walk a day.   You know that with his bad kidneys he can’t handle marathon efforts like that.

JACK
Well, he’s got his papers from the hospital hasn’t he?   Why doesn’t he take them in to show to the bastards?

NORMA
He has Jack, twice.   And he’s given them photocopies on three occasions, as well as getting one of the doctors from the hospital to ring through to them once.

She adjusts the pans on the stove for a few moments.

NORMA
I suppose he’ll just have to take the job they offered him, or any other that comes along, no matter how bad it is.

JACK
Maybe he can take the job for a little while, just until something better comes along.

NORMA
Jesus, Jack, he’s been on the dole for four years now.   If anything decent were going to come along, it would have done so by now.   As it is, there are virtually no jobs around at all these days, decent or otherwise.

JACK
Hell it’s his own bloody fault!   If held tried a little harder when he first left school, he would have had a job two or three years ago.

NORMA
Oh for Christ’s sake!   He gets up at six o’clock every morning to go out looking for work.

JACK
well obviously he doesn’t look in the right places.

NORMA
For crying out loud!   He goes around to the hotels and milkbars, factories, and service stations, you name it.   And he just hasn’t been able to find work anywhere.

JACK
Rubbish, there must be plenty of work around!

NORMA
For god’s sake!   He asked around at half a dozen places today, a full dozen yesterday, eight or nine the day before!
(A beat)
How many places does he have to try out, before you’ll credit him with looking for work?   He is Jack, but he keeps getting the knock-back.

JACK
Perhaps if he’d smarten himself up a bit, get a decent haircut and some good trousers, instead of those scruffy old jeans that he wears around everywhere, he might not get the knock-back all the time.

NORMA
Those scruffy old jeans are the only trousers he owns!

JACK
Then why the hell doesn’t he lash out and buy himself a new pair?

NORMA (Incredulous.)
Lash out?   For god’s sake how, on a crummy forty-nine dollars ninety-five a week?

JACK
What could Chris possibly have to spend forty-nine ninety-five on each week?

NORMA
Half of it goes to me for room and board, the other half goes toward fares when he goes out after jobs.

JACK
Fares!   Huh!   Why doesn’t the stupid bastard try looking for work a little closer to home?   There must be lots of work going in the Footscray area!

NORMA
There isn’t.   Don’t you think he had enough sense to try out the local area first, before going all the way in to Melbourne?

JACK
It’s hard to tell with him.

NORMA
Well, he did.   It took him only a few months to discover there’s absolutely no hope of finding work this side of Melbourne.
(A beat)
Not that going into Melbourne has helped him much so far.

She adjusts the pans on the stove for a moment.

NORMA
If only you hadn’t been fired.   Maybe then I could have afforded to cut Chris’ board a couple of dollars, till he could save up enough for some new trousers.

JACK
Oh I see, so now it’s all my fault!   So now I’m not a good provider, because I had the nerve to go and get myself laid off!   Hell Norma, I do my best!

NORMA
I know you do…
(A beat)
Look I’m sorry if I….

JACK
But my best just isn’t good enough, is that it?

NORMA
For god’s sake Jake, I said I was sorry!   There’s no need to ram it down my throat!

Jack looks stunned.   He opens his mouth to protest, and then turns round to stare down at the table.

Norma attends to the food cooking on the stove.

After a few moments of brooding, they both turn round to apologise.

IN UNISON:

JACK
Look, I’m sorry….

NORMA
I didn’t mean to….
END OF UNISON:

NORMA
You go ahead love.

JACK
I just wanted to say that I’m sorry if I went a bit far before.   It’s just that…
(A beat)
That I can be a bit single-minded when it comes to the matter of unemployment.
I
NORMA
Yes, I know Jack.   I know that you always mean well…
(A beat)
But sometimes I can’t help wondering what keeps going wrong.

JACK
Well, I suppose I asked for that one, so I’ll let it go this once.
(Hesitantly.)
I don’t know if this is a good time to raise the subject…?

JACK
No, no fire away.
Norma walks across to sit at the table beside Jack.

NORMA
Well, it’s…
(A beat)
It’s about a job.

JACK
A job, who for?   Me or Chris?   Don’t tell me that bastard has really started looking round for one…?

NORMA
Jack, stop jumping the gun!   It’s…
(A beat)
What I’m trying to say is that I want a job.

JACK (Shocked.)
Not a bloody chance!   No wife of mine is ever going to have a job!

NORMA
But Beth has a job.

JACK
Only two days a week.

NORMA
I’ll settle for that.

JACK
But Beth isn’t my wife anymore, you are.   If Bob is weak enough to let Beth work, that’s his look out.   But you’re my wife, so you’ll do as I say, and what I say is that no wife of mine is ever going to work!

NORMA
But I work at home.

JACK
That’s different.

NORMA
How is it different?   Or are you going to accuse me of bludging around the house all day?

JACK
That’s not what I meant at all!   I meant…
(A beat)
well housework is woman’s work. Working at a real job is man’s work.

NORMA (Angrily.)
What?   Crawl out of the dark ages Jack, lots of married women have so-called real jobs these days!   This is the 1970s Jack, not the 1870s when men were men and women were tuppence an hour!

JACK
Give us a chance, there’s no need for you to work.   The
money isn’t quite that desperate yet.

NORMA
It’s not just a matter of needing the money.
(A beat)
It’s more a matter of me needing something to do with my time, so
that I don’t go stark raving bonkers.

JACK
You’ve got your housework, haven’t you?

NORMA
Housework, wow, thrill of a lifetime!   Housework only keeps me occupied about two-and-a-bit days a week.   After all, there is only so many times I need to scrub the floors, or wash down the walls.   And with only the three of us to wash, cook, and iron for, that only takes a few hours a week.   So I badly need something to help to fill in my spare hours.

JACK
Couldn’t you join a ladies’ club or something?

NORMA
I suppose I could, but that would cost money I can’t afford to pay out.   Whereas if I had a job, it would use up my spare time and bring in a little money, instead of taking it out.

JACK
But if jobs are as hard to come by, as you’re always saying they are, how are you going to find one all of a sudden?

NORMA
Actually I’ve already got a chance of a job.
(A beat)
Working in Debbie Williams’ laundry.

JACK
That bitch, I might’ve known she’d put you up to it!

NORMA
Don’t talk about my friends that way!
(A beat)
And no one put me up to it, I do have a mind of my own, you know!   It’s just that I mentioned to Debbie how bored I am, and she was kind enough to offer me a job.

JACK
Still, I’d rather you didn’t take the job, while we don’t actually need the money yet.

NORMA
But we do need the money.   If I were working, I could afford to charge Chris less rent, or even keep him rent-free for a while, now he’s lost the dole.

JACK
No bloody way!   If you let him get away with that, you’ll end up supporting him for the rest of your life.

NORMA
But we can’t just let him starve.

JACK
He’ll soon get a job, now that he has to!

NORMA
Oh god you can be useless at times!
(She returns to the stove.)
I’ll just get your tea.

JACK
Don’t bother, I’m going down to the local for a quick snort.

NORMA
But Jack it’s ready to eat.
JACK (Angrily.)
You can warm it up when I get back!

Norma stares after Jack as he storms off stage.   After a moment she walks across to sit at the table and starts leafing through the magazine again.

Darken the set to indicate the passing of an hour or two.

When the set is relit Norma is still reading the magazine. 

Hearing footsteps in the hall, off stage, she goes across to investigate.

NORMA
Is that you, Jack?

CHRIS O/S
No, it’s me, mum.

NORMA
Hang on a minute and I’ll get your tea warmed up for you.

CHRIS O/S
Don’t bother mum, I’m not particularly hungry.

He walks onto stage and sits at the table.

NORMA
What’s the matter love?

CHRIS
I’ve just broken up with Cindi, because I couldn’t afford to take her to the Bowie concert next week.   Imagine being too poor to be able to go to see David Bowie!

NORMA
Personally I can’t imagine anyone wanting to go to see David Bowie.

CHRIS
Well, if Bowie’s a little outside your league, try to imagine being too poor to go to see Frank Sinatra.

NORMA
Oh well in that case I know how you’re feeling.

Chris picks up the textbook from the table, and starts reading it to himself.

Norma stands a couple of metres away watching Chris read.

NORMA
What’s that you’re reading?

CHRIS
It’s the latest international best seller: Stigler Basic Calculus.   It’s far more exciting than any boring old Agatha Christie, although the solutions are a lot harder to guess.

Norma laughs for a moment.

NORMA
Are you having any problems with your studies love?   Anything that your father or I might be able to give you a bit of a hand with?

CHRIS
I don’t want to sound rude mum, but I think this lot might be a little outside your league.

NORMA (Offended.)
Oh come on Chris, Jack and I aren’t total dunces, you know.
(She walks across and takes the book from Chris.)
Here, let me have a look at that.

She gazes at the book for a few moments, her brow wrinkling from amazement.

NORMA
What are all these little S-shaped squiggles?

Chris stands to have a quick look at the page.

CHRIS
They’re integration signs.
(Sitting again.)
To show that you’re doing integration.

Looking puzzled, Norma looks at the front cover of the book.

NORMA
I thought you said that it’s calculus?

CHRIS
It is, integration is a type of calculus.   Along with differentiation, vector analysis, linear and circular motion….

NORMA
All right, all right smarty pants.
(Handing back the book.)
Perhaps you’re right, that does seem to be a little outside of my league.   But if there is anything else I could do to help you out…?

CHRIS
You could get dad off my back about being unemployed for so long.

NORMA
Oh, Chris I’ve tried, but you know how Jack is when he makes up his mind about something, there’s no budging him.
(A beat)
But he means well, his heart is in the right place, even if his brain isn’t.
(A beat)
Buck up love, things can only get better.

CHRIS
It’d take a nuclear holocaust to make them any worse.

NORMA
Why don’t you let me warm up your tea?
(She takes the textbook from Chris and places it onto the table.)
You’ll feel much better on a full stomach.

CHRIS
Yes all right, thanks.

Norma goes across to adjust the burners on the stove, and then walks back toward the table.

NORMA
You aren’t having any real problems with your studies, are you, love?

CHRIS
To tell you the truth, I’ve been thinking of giving them away.

NORMA
Oh, Chris!   You don’t mean that, surely?

CHRIS
Well, it takes so much out of me studying at night, on top of looking round for work during the day.   And I won’t be able to afford the time to do any of my homework during the day now.

NORMA
But if you give up your studies, you’ll be stuck in some dead end job, or on the dole, if you can get back on, for the rest of your life!   Oh, Chris, you’ve got to plan for the future.

CHRIS
Why?   Uncle Bob says the future doesn’t exist; it’s just a fascist lie to keep the prols in order.

NORMA
That’s because he spends too much time reading the works of communist writers like Orwell, Hardy, and Marx!

CHRIS
Come on mum, Harpo Marx wasn’t a communist.

NORMA
Don’t be a smart-arse, Chris, I was talking about Karl Marx.

CHRIS
Was he the one with the funny eyebrows?   ‘Harpo Speaks’ is the only Marx Brothers book that I’ve ever read.

END OF SCENE ONE:

ACT ONE:

SCENE TWO:
When set is lit up, Jack and Chris are sitting at opposite ends of the table.   Jack is sipping coffee; Chris is poring through the situations vacant section of the morning paper.

NORMA
There you are, love.

She places a plate of food in front of Jack, and then rushes back to rescue two slices of toast, which she places on a bread plate on the table beside Jack.

NORMA
Oh, I’ll get you the marmalade from the fridge love.

She walks back toward the fridge.

JACK
And the butter.

He looks with distaste toward the plastic tub of margarine on the table.

NORMA
You’ll have to settle for margo this morning, I didn’t get a chance to nip down to Sims’ last night.

JACK
Struth!   Well, make sure you get down the street for some today!

NORMA
I will Jack, cross my heart and hope to die if I tell a lie.
(She mimics the Playtex bra ad.)

JACK
Well, there’s no need to be bloody sarcastic about it.

Reluctantly spreading his toast with margarine.

Norma takes a can of marmalade from the fridge and places it
onto the table near Jack.

NORMA
I’m sorry Jack, but perhaps you could buy some butter while you’re down the street today.

JACK
I should have seen that one coming a mile away.

As Norma clears away Chris’ breakfast dishes, Jack spreads a thick layer of marmalade on his toast to smother the taste of the margarine.

After placing the dishes on the sink, Norma walks over to Chris.

NORMA
Any luck love?

CHRIS
No nothing, but then I promised to help Beth and Uncle Bob move house today anyway.

NORMA
That’s right, I forgot they’re moving today.

JACK
It’s about time they moved out of that God forsaken place: Glen Hartwell.   I don’t know why they ever stayed there so long.   Every winter they get flooded out, and every summer they’re overrun with mozzies and killer spiders.

NORMA
Oh, Jack!   That’s a bit of an exaggeration, isn’t it?

JACK
Not bloody much though.   It’s a wretched rat-hole of a place, and out in the whoop-whoops to boot.   When Beth and I lived out there, it used to take me well over an hour to get into work by train every morning.

Norma glares at Jack, who turns his attention to Chris.

JACK
Well have you finished with the paper yet?   You’re only bludging anyway, you could soon get work if you really wanted it badly enough!

CHRIS
There are times dad, when you sound just like our duh prime minister: Mad Cunt Frazer.

JACK
Watch your bloody language, and don’t give me any of your bloody lip either.

CHRIS
Here, have your bloody paper!

Standing, he throws the paper across the table.

JACK
Jesus!

Jack ducks as the paper whizzes over his head.

CHRIS (To Norma.)
I’ll see you later mum.
(He walks off stage.)

JACK (Shouting.)
Good bloody riddance

Jack picks up the paper, straightens it out, then sits and reads through the paper for a few moments, before looking up at Norma who is sorting out dishes at the sink.

JACK
Oh, speaking of the Bennetts, we’ve got their housewarming next week, haven’t we?
(A beat)
I said, speaking of the….

NORMA (Cross.)
Yes, I heard you.

Norma continues to sort plates at the sink for a few moments, while Jack watches her in silence.

JACK
Are you upset about something?

NORMA
Why the hell should I be upset about anything?

JACK
If it’s about Chris and me, you should know that we….

NORMA
It’s not about you and Chris…
(A beat)
Although you both can be bloody childish at times.

Jack looks shocked.

NORMA
It’s just that…
(A beat)
Well, why do we have to have the Bennetts’ housewarming party here?

JACK
Because they won’t have things straightened out in their new place for weeks.   And with Bob on the dole for so long, they can’t really afford to throw a housewarming party.

NORMA
Then they don’t have to have one…
(A beat)
We’re not forcing them to, are we?
(A beat)
It’s bloody silly for us to throw a housewarming party for them.   The whole point of a housewarming is to break in the new house you’ve moved in to, and they aren’t moving in with us, now are they?

JACK
Well, it’s not really a housewarming party so much as a welcoming party.   To welcome them to the west.
(A beat)
After all they are family.

NORMA (Glaring at Jack.)
They’re no relation to me!   But if you think they’re part of your family….

JACK
Oh no, here we go again.

He walks across to Norma, takes the plates out of her hands, and then starts to lead her across to the table.

NORMA
(Trying to pull away from him.)
Hey give it a rest!   I’ve got to get the dishes done.

Jack drags her across to the table.

JACK
The dishes can wait, we’ve got to get this sorted out first.

He pushes her down onto a chair, then sits beside her, still holding her by the shoulders.

She sits with her back toward him.

JACK
You’re not going to start that nonsense again, are you?

NORMA
What nonsense?

JACK
With Beth.   When she first came out of hospital, after you and I were married, you treated her like some kind of leper for more than a year.   At first I thought you must’ve been afraid her craziness would rub off onto you….

NORMA
Oh come off it!

JACK
Finally I realised that you were jealous of her.

NORMA
I don’t have to listen to this bull!

She starts to stand up, but is dragged back down onto the chair by Jack.

JACK
It is not bull.   You were jealous of her being my first wife.   You were afraid I might still feel something for her, and I do….

NORMA
(Turning round to glare at Jack.)
What?

JACK
I feel pity for her, the same way I’d feel pity for anyone who lives their entire life on the brink of a nervous breakdown.   And although I don’t love her at all, I still like her in a sort of way.

NORMA
(Turning her back to him.)
I see.   So why are you telling all this to me anyway?

JACK
Oh come on honey.
(He nuzzles his face in her long hair.)
I thought we had a good thing going here lately.

He slips his right hand around Norma to caress her breasts.

At first Norma struggles against Jack’s touch, however, as he begins to caress her breasts more and more firmly, she starts to become aroused.   When Jack reaches down with his left hand, Norma willingly opens her legs wide to allow the hand to caress her thighs.

NORMA
Oh, Jack!   Oh, Jack!

Jack turns Norma around to face him and they start kissing passionately, as the lights go down.

END OF SCENE TWO:

 ACT ONE:

SCENE THREE:
Bottles of wine and styrene cups, and bowls of party snacks cover the kitchen table.

When set is lit up, Chris is in the kitchen, helping himself to some potato chips.

Jack, Norma, Beth and Bob all walk onto stage.

BETH
Thanks again for letting us have our housewarming party over here.   I know it must be a great inconvenience to you, but apart from having to finish unpacking still, there just wouldn’t be enough room to entertain in that tiny hole that we’ve had to move in to.

NORMA
Oh well, when Bob gets a job again you’ll be able to afford to move into a larger house.

Beth looks as though she has been slapped across the face.   She turns to look at Bob for a moment.

Norma grits her teeth and shrugs toward Jack.

BETH
Of course if Bob just can’t find work, then I suppose I can always increase my own workload.   The people at the employment agency are forever after me to work full time, instead of just the two days a week I’m working now.

Angry, Norma looks toward Jack, who quickly looks away.

BOB
I’m sure it won’t come to that.

BETH
But if it did come to that, surely you wouldn’t object to me working full-time?

BOB
Well, as a last resort maybe.

Triumphant, Beth turns to stare toward Norma.

BETH
What about you Norma?   When are you going to throw off the shackles of male domination and get yourself a job?

NORMA (Hesitantly.)
There are no plans in that direction at the moment.

BETH
(Raising a questioning eyebrow.)
No?   You really have got her under your thumb, haven’t you Jack?

NORMA
Of course there’s no need for me to work, our situation isn’t nearly as bad as yours yet.   Jack still has most of his severance pay, and now Chris is finally working….

Beth glares at Norma for a moment, and then pointedly looks away from her.

BOB (A little hurriedly.)
No one else here yet Jack?   Or is it just to be us few?

JACK
No, the Mayrons and the Johnsons are out in the backyard.

NORMA
Since it was such a sunny day, we decided to have the main how-to-do out in the backyard.   We borrowed Kevin’s collapsible picnic table set.

JACK (Jokingly.)
So natch we had to invite that mongrel over so that he could stand guard over it.

BOB
Speaking of Jon Mayron and Kev, I’ve been meaning to have a little word with them about something.

Jack glances at the two women, who are patently ignoring each other, and then turns back to Bob.

JACK
Well, I guess you know the way to our backyard from here, but I’ll show you the way just in case.

BOB
(As they walk off stage together.)
That’s fine, Jack, ‘cause I wanted to have a little word with you too, if you can spare us a minute.

Norma watches the two men walk off stage, then stares after them for a moment before starting to follow after them.   She stops near the edge of stage and stares back to where Chris is still eating potato chips and Beth is pouring herself a drink from one of the bottles of wine on the table.

NORMA
Oh, Chris, would you give me a bit of a hand outside for a few moments?

CHRIS
Sure mum.

He starts to walk toward her, but Beth grabs him by one arm and pulls him back toward her.

BETH
Surely you can get Jack, or Mandy Mayron to help you out honey?   It’s been so long since Chris has had a chance to have a bit of a chat with his mother.

Chris stares apologetically toward Norma, who glares at Beth for a few seconds before turning and storming off stage.

BETH
(Holding Chris at arms’ length.)
Now let me have a look at you.
(A beat)
You always were my favourite and do you know why?

CHRIS
Because we look so much alike.

BETH
It’s like looking in a mirror.

She hugs Chris to her, making him squirm from embarrassment.

CHRIS
Maybe I should go and give mum…
(A beat)
Give Norma a bit of a hand.

BETH
(Pulling a couple of chairs out from the table.)
Nonsense, your stepmother is a very resourceful woman.   I’m sure she’ll find someone to help her.

Sitting on one chair, she pats the other with a hand.

BETH
Now come and sit down.   It’s been ages since we’ve had a chance to sit down together to talk.
(Chris tentatively sits down.)
In fact we haven’t seen much of each other at all, over the last five years, since you left school.

CHRIS
Well, it was so far to travel out to Glen Hartwell, when I only had the dole to live off.

BETH
Well, all that is going to change now.
(Hugging Chris up hard against herself.)
You’ll be able to pop in to see me all the time now.
(A beat)
I suppose some good has to come out of every situation.

CHRIS
Yes, I suppose so.

Beth sips her drink for a while, waiting for Chris to start up a conversation.

BETH
You wouldn’t believe the hassles we’ve had the last week, unpacking everything and trying to get it all into order.
(A beat)
Throwing out everything we don’t need…
(A beat)
You couldn’t believe how much rubbish got packed up and brought along with us.   Thank god we had a loan of the Mayrons’ Fairlane to cart it all, instead of paying through the nose for removalists.   It’s only when you move house that you realise how much rubbish you collect during your lifetime.

CHRIS
Yes, I suppose so.
(A beat)
How have the girls taken to the idea of moving house?

BETH
Collie has taken to it very well, she only has half as far to travel to school every day.

CHRIS
And there’s a Uni. nearby.

BETH
A technical institute!   But of course we’ll be sending Collie on to Melbourne University.

CHRIS
And Rosie too, of course.

BETH (Surprised.)
Rosie?
(A beat)
Oh that’s right, you don’t know yet, do you?

CHRIS (Puzzled.)
Don’t know what yet?

BETH
Rosie isn’t going on to university.   She’s decided to leave school at the end of next year, after she gets her Higher School Certificate.   And no amount of arguing has been able to get her to change her mind.

[Note: Higher School Certificate is now the V.C.E.]

CHRIS
Maybe if I had a talk with her…?

BETH
Thanks but no thanks.   I appreciate the offer but you’d only be wasting your time, Rosie has made up her mind.
(A beat)
Maybe it’s for the best, with Bob still out of work and me only working part-time.   We can’t really afford to send both of the girls to Uni., and let’s face it Collie has always been the brains trust of this family.   Rosie has never actually failed, but she’s never had an A-grade in her life.   Whereas Collie usually picks up four or five A’s at each half year.

CHRIS
Then you’re not worried about Rosie leaving school?

BETH
Well, we’re not exactly passing round the cigars, particularly since there’s no guarantee that she’ll get a job.   We don’t mind her leaving school to work, but we don’t want her getting stuck on the dole for years.
(A beat)
I don’t have to tell you how hard it can be to find work.

CHRIS
Not after nearly five years on the dole, you don’t.

BETH
So how are things with you these days, Chris?

CHRIS
Not so good really.

BETH
Don’t tell me that Jack is still giving you a hard time?   I’ve got a good mind to give him a piece of my mind, if only I thought I could spare some.

CHRIS
It’s not just dad, but life in general.   Sometimes I think that Mad Mal knew what he was talking about when he said, ‘Life was never meant to be easy!’

BETH (Shocked.)
Malcolm Frazer know what he’s talking about?   Bite your tongue son.   He’s a better man than me if he does, because I can never make heads or tails out of his ramblings.

CHRIS
Mum, you’re not a man.

BETH
Ah you’ve noticed.
(Stroking Chris’ hair with one hand.)
You really are growing up fast.   You’ll be going steady with some filly of your own before much longer.

CHRIS
I was going steady until recently.
(A beat)
With Cindi Cooper.

BETH
That peroxide blond who Collie and Rosie used to go to school with?

CHRIS
The very same.   I always wanted to tell her that I prefer brunettes anyway, but I never had the heart.

BETH
(She laughs for a second or so.)
So what went wrong?

CHRIS
We had an argument about her dating other blokes.

BETH
Well, don’t worry Ms Right will come along one of these days.
(Running a hand through Chris hair again.)
I just know that a good-looking bloke like you won’t be without a girlfriend for very long.

CHRIS
Oh mum, don’t go building me up to be some kind of a sex symbol!

BETH
Come on Chris, your old mum wouldn’t lie to you.   I know a good sort when I see one, even if he is my own son.

Bob walks onto stages and watches them for a few moments.   He has his wallet in his hands.   He zips the wallet up, and then places it into a trouser pocket.
Hearing Bob, Beth looks round.

Bob gives a slight nod toward Beth and she stands up.

BETH
Well, I suppose I’d better go see how your stepmother is getting along.

She gives Chris a hug, and then walks off stage.   Bob walks over and sits on the chair vacated by Beth.

BOB
So how’s the new job coming along?

CHRIS
Well, I’ve only had it for two days, so I can’t say for sure yet, but so far it’s not too good.

BOB
Why, what’s wrong with it?

CHRIS
Too bloody noisy for one thing.   I’m in a place that makes tin cans and screw on bottle tops, and there must be a couple of hundred machines going flat out all day long.   You wouldn’t believe the noise they make.   It’s like trying to work in the middle of Nagasaki or Hiroshima during the dropping of the atomic bombs.

BOB
(He laughs for a moment.)
It can’t be that bad, surely?

CHRIS
Not quite maybe, but damn close.

BOB
But surely the machines all have iron cladding around the sides?   That ought to dampen down most of the noise.

CHRIS
They don’t have anything on the sides.   They’re just like open cabinets housing various motors and gears and so on.   You could reach right down into one of the machines while it was going…

[Note: This is completely true, the company AGM was accused later by Prime Minister Malcolm Fraser of being guilty of 10,000 workplace violations!]

CHRIS
(A beat)
If you were stupid enough.

BOB
Struth, that doesn’t sound too bloody safe!

CHRIS
It’s not.
(A beat)
There’s this blackboard near the entrance to the section, showing the number of days since the section’s last major accident…
(Bob nods his understanding.)
When I first started there it said, ‘This section has now gone eighty-two days since its last major accident!   But when I turned up to work this morning it said, ‘This section has now gone one day since its last major accident!’

BOB
Struth!

CHRIS
So they must have had a major accident either in the afternoon shift or the night shift between yesterday and today.
(A beat)
They work three shifts, right round the clock.
(Bob nods.)
Anyway, all day long people were talking about it.   Actually mainly during smoko and lunch break, since you can’t really talk much over the sound of the machines.
(A beat)
Anyway, the story was that some bloke had his right hand torn off by one of the machines, then, in shock, had run halfway round the factory, spraying blood over the machinery, chased by dozens of machinists, before finally collapsing from shock and loss of blood.

[Note: Again this is completely true!]

They both think about this in silence for a few moments.

BOB
Still it’s only a story.   You don’t know for certain that it even happened.

CHRIS
No, but they reckon that after the bloke was taken away to hospital, they had to hose down all the bottle tops and machinery to wash away the blood.   And when our shift started at seven a.m., the machines were still soaking wet.   When I asked the foreman, Georgio, about it, he claimed that they were due for their monthly wash down.   But when I asked the other workers at smoko, they’d never even heard of the machinery having monthly wash downs.

They both think about this in silence for a few moments.

CHRIS
Beth…
(A beat)
Mum tells me that you’re making out all right in your new place.

BOB
Well, yes and no.
(A beat)
I suppose she wanted to put on a brave face for you.
But actually it’s worse for her than for the rest of us.   Of course the girls both think it’s a great lark, and it’s better for me ‘cause I’m an hour’s train ride closer to Melbourne, which means that much more chance of landing myself a job.
(A beat)
Beth is the one who’s really had to miss out.   It’s all right for ire, I was born here in the western suburbs, but it’s really hit Beth, having to move away from Glen Hartwell where she’s lived all her life.   Plus of course there’s the hassles we’re having with money.   The only reason we had to move was because the rents are so much, cheaper out this way.
(A beat)
Beth has always been such a proud woman to begin with.   At times she’s a little too fond of keeping up with the Joneses.
(He laughs ironically.)
Hell these days we can’t even keep up with the Joneses’ doorman, with me still out of work after nearly a year.   That’s the only reason I ever agreed to Beth working even two days a week.   Heaven help us if the CES ever finds out about it.
(A beat)
Then Beth has always liked to take a leading role in anything she’s involved in, always managed to be the chairlady or treasurer in any club she’s in.   It’s come as quite a blow to her to be so unceremoniously demoted.   I remember her telling me, in tears, about them taking away her position as treasurer at one club, on the pretence that she already had too much on her plate.   But all the time they were dropping sly, sneaking hints that perhaps she couldn’t be trusted not to dip into the kitty to help out her home situation.
(A beat)
At one charity she was in, they started dropping some none-too-subtle hints that perhaps she belonged on the receiving end of things….

CHRIS (Vehemently.)
The bitches!

BOB
Well, most of them are upper class bitches who only do charity work so they can look down their noses at the people they’re supposed to be helping.   They’re largely the same women who Beth works for two days a week keeping house.   They call themselves charitable, but they don’t mind having her down on her hands and knees scrubbing their floors clean at a couple of lousy dollars an hour.   If they really want to be charitable, they ought to pay their helpers a proper wage!
(A beat)
More condescending than charitable, most of them.
(A beat)
Anyway, talking of money, how much does this job of yours pay?

CHRIS
I won’t know for certain until next Thursday when I get paid, and even then they’ll probably hold back a day or two’s pay in case I quit without giving any notice.

BOB
Yeah, that’s what they normally do in factories.

CHRIS
But they told me when I applied for the job that it pays about $200 a week.

BOB
That’s not too bad at your age.

CHRIS
Yeah, it’s four times what I’ve been getting on the dole.

BOB
So you’ll be pretty flush for money from now on?

CHRIS
Yeah, I’ll finally be able to save up to buy myself a colour TV, instead of that tiny black and white job that I bought from the Uniting Church Op. Shop a few years back.
(A beat)
A stereo system and some records too.   You should see the collection Cindi Cooper has: literally hundreds of LP’s.   Plus she has over a thousand sci-fi books in her personal collection.   With everyone from the old masters like Lord Lytton, HG Wells, Jules Verne, and HP Lovecraft, right through to the latest writers like Arthur C. Clarke, Colin Wilson, James Herbert, Stephen King, Dean R. Koontz….

[Note: Yes Dean Koontz did have a middle initial in those days!]

BOB
Struth, you really are planning ahead.
(Chris laughs.)
But listen, in the meantime…
(A beat)
I don’t like to put the bite on you, Chris, but you know how hard things are for your mother and me at the moment…
(A beat)
And … well I was wondering…
(A beat)
I was wondering if you could see your way clear to lending us a twenty…?
(A beat)
Just to tide things over till we get settled in at the new place and get back on our feet a bit.

CHRIS (Reluctantly.)
I guess I can.

Chris starts to reach down into his trouser pocket, but finds that he has to stand up to reach his wallet.

BOB
I really hate to hit you like this Chris, but I’m really desperate.

Chris opens his wallet and starts counting the notes inside.

BOB
Even a twenty would help out.

CHRIS
(Taking a number of $1 and $2 notes out of the wallet.)
All I’ve got is $17.

BOB
That’ll have to do, I suppose, if it’s all you’ve got.
(He takes the notes from Chris and stuffs them into his shirt pocket.)
I’ll pay you back as soon as I can, Chris.

CHRIS
That’s all right, just pay me back whenever you can.

BOB
Ta son, I knew I could count on you not to let us down.

CHRIS
Well, I guess I’d better go see if mum needs any help with anything outside.

BOB
Yeah, yeah, good lad.

Chris walks off stage and Bob stands to take his wallet out of his trouser pocket.   He takes the $17 from his shirt pocket and places it into the wallet, as Beth walks onto stage.

BETH
How’d it go?

BOB
Not too bad, I got $17 from Chris, twenty from Jack, twenty-five from Kevin Johnson, and an even fifty from Jon Mayron.   Well, at least we won’t starve for the next couple of weeks or so.

Bob returns the wallet to his trouser pocket.

BETH
Anyway let’s go join the others outside, before they wonder what we’re up to.

They walk off stage together.

Darken the set to indicate the passing of an hour or two.

The set is relit as Chris and Colleen walk onto stage together, and head toward the table.

COLLEEN
Hello?   Oh I don’t intend going on to school at all next year.

Chris starts to pour them both drinks from one of the bottles.

CHRIS
But mum told me earlier that you were going on to Uni.?

He hands Colleen her styrene cup of wine.

COLLEEN
Oh I was, but I don’t want to be a burden to dad while he’s on the dole.
(She takes a sip of wine.)
Besides, if I can’t get a job with my HSC, I’m not likely to get one with a degree either.

CHRIS
And your mum and dad don’t mind you leaving school?

COLLEEN
Well…
(She takes a sip of wine.)
To tell the truth I haven’t actually told them yet.   Not in so many words.   I’ve dropped a few broad hints to mum, but dad doesn’t know yet.

Bob walks onto stage behind Colleen.

COLLEEN
Still it’s none of dad’s business really.

BOB
What is none of my business?

Colleen turns, startled to hear Bob’s voice.

COLLEEN (Hesitantly.)
Oh dad, I didn’t know….

BOB
What is none of my business?

COLLEEN (Sulkily.)
Nothing dad.

BOB
It can’t have been nothing, or you wouldn’t have bothered to say it was none of my business!

COLLEEN (Sulkily.)
But dad!

BOB
Don’t ‘but dad’ me young girl!   Now what is none of my business?

Colleen tries to walk passed Bob to leave the stage, however, he grabs her by one arm and pulls her toward him.

BOB
Don’t run away, I’m still waiting for an answer.

COLLEEN
Oh for god’s sake dad, I’m leaving school next year, all right!

BOB
No it is not bloody well all right!

Colleen rests herself loose from his grip and tries to storm
passed him, however, Bob blocks her way.

Beth walks onto stage behind Bob,’ followed by Jack and Norma.

COLLEEN (Seeing Beth.)
Mum, please?

Norma and Jack squeeze passed Bob and Beth and walk over to Chris, to help themselves to cups of wine from the table.

BOB
You’re going on to university next year, and that’s final!

COLLEEN
It is not final!
(Again she tries to get passed Bob but cannot.)
Mum, please?

BOB
(Turning to face Beth.)
I suppose you’ve known about this for some time now?

BETH
Well, I’ve had an idea….

COLLEEN
Don’t blame her dad, I was only thinking of you.

BOB
Thinking of me?   Thinking of met   You mean to say your whole life revolves around knifing me in the back?

COLLEEN
No, I meant I know you can’t possibly afford to send me on to Uni.
(A beat)
So what’s the point in making a big deal out of it?

BOB
We’ll get by somehow!

COLLEEN
How!

BOB
Don’t you interrogate me, young lady!   I don’t have to answer any of your questions!

COLLEEN
And I don’t have to answer any of yours!   Not unless you intend reading me my rights first!   Otherwise get off my bloody back!

BETH
Don’t speak to your father like that!

NORMA
Look, don’t you think you ought to settle this thing after you all go home tonight?

BOB
No!   We’ll settle it right now!   (To Colleen.)   I don’t care how much it costs, but you’re going on to university next year and that’s an order!

COLLEEN
You can’t order me to go to school!   I’m seventeen, so by law I can leave school without your permission!

BETH
Not while you’re living at home, you can’t!

COLLEEN
There’s no law saying I have to stay at home.   After the age of sixteen, I can leave home whenever I like, without your consent!

BETH
So now you’re going to tear my heart out, by running away from home to live in some squalid slum, eking out a paltry existence on the dole for the next forty-three years, until you can qualify for the old age pension.

COLLEEN
Oh mum, don’t be so bloody melodramatic!

BOB
Don’t you talk to your mother like that!   You’re not too old to go over my knee young girl!

COLLEEN (Outraged.)
You wouldn’t dare!

BOB
Don’t dare me, young girl!   Just don’t dare me!

NORMA
Look, don’t you think you’re both going a bit far?   After all she is old enough to leave school, or home, so it’s really only Collie’s business what she does.

BETH
Shut up, you keep out of this!   It’s certainly none of your business
(A beat)
You’re probably the one who talked her into leaving school in the first place!

COLLEEN/NORMA
What?
 
BETH
That’s right, the same way you talked Chris into leaving school too soon, so held ruin his life.   And just because he’s my son, not yours!

NORMA
I didn’t talk Chris into leaving school, I wouldn’t do a thing like that.   I love Chris…
(A beat)
In spite of the fact that he’s your son, not mine!

BETH
It wasn’t enough for you to steal Jack away from me, but you had to go and destroy Chris’ future as well!

NORMA
I didn’t steal Jack away from you!

BETH
The hell you didn’t!

JACK
The only reason I ever left you, is because you’re so bloody crazy!   Arid we were separated before I ever met Norma.

BETH
So now he calls me crazy!   (To Norma.)   You really have polluted his mind against me!   Now you want to drive Colleen out of school as well!

NORMA
That has nothing to do with me!

COLLEEN
Yes mum, she didn’t even know anything about it till now.

BETH
(Glaring at Colleen.)
Do you really expect me to believe that?

COLLEEN
Yes mum, it’s the truth!

BETH (To Norma.)
You’ve probably been seeing her behind my back, the way you sneaked behind my back to get custody of Chris!

JACK
We got custody of Chris because after you came out of the nut farm, you were still too crazy to be able to look after yourself properly, let alone Chris as well!

COLLEEN
Look it’s my life mum, why can’t you let me live it?

NORMA
Yes for god’s sake, it’s really only Collie’s business what she decides to do.

BOB
You keep out of this!   It’s certainly none of your business you old cow!