Smiling once again, Nick went to class. While the professor was droning on about allegory in American literature, Nick was making a new list of women. Thanks to his track record he had a lot of failures to draw on. After the first round of elimination (first one dropped: the Quasimodo look-alike) he pondered the handful that were left, trying to remember which one he’d lost the most sleep and skipped the most meals over.

By the end of class Nick decided that Monica, she of the chocolate eyes and literary heart, was the girl of his dreams. This was particularly convenient because she happened to spend the next hour in the student center. Nick left for the building, fingering the ring that he’d placed on a chain around his neck so that he wouldn’t lose it. Once he’d nearly tried the ring on, but he stopped at the last moment. The last thing he wanted was to be in love with himself for life.

And there was his prize now, sitting alone at a booth near the jukebox. Nick caught her eye from across the room and she silently gestured for him to come and sit.

“Hi, Nick,” Monica said, “I have some new poetry for class tomorrow, and I was wondering if you would look at it, give me a critique?”

“Umm, sure,” Nick replied, taking the papers. As he glanced over her writing, a funny feeling came over him. He just couldn’t do it. Here she was, here he was, she was looking as fabulous as ever, and he didn’t spot any last-minute flaw. He just – couldn’t.

Nick finished the conversation, giving his opinion on her work and exchanging some light but pleasant chit-chat. Afterwards he wandered back to the duck pond like a man in a trance. What the Hell was wrong with him? After staring at the ducks for half an hour, it finally came to him.

He was a man who had never really enjoyed the pleasures of boyfriend-hood, and here he was selecting a woman with whom he would be for life. It was like asking a toddler to pilot an F-18. He was so unqualified to make such a momentous decision. The question now was what to do about it.

Nick agonized over the problem for a week, knowing what the right decision was but battling the greed monster in him that was screaming are you nuts? Don’t you dare! It was the only thing he could do without possibly ruining his life.

Early the next morning, as dawn crept over the campus, Nick walked down to the pond, the ring in his hand. He stepped to the edge of the water and made an announcement.

“Arcalagus, I can’t use this ring,” he told the thin air above the water. “Please don’t take this as an insult. I mean, it was really nice of you to give me a shot. I’m just not wise enough to find my own love. I guess I’ll just take my chances from now on. Thanks again.” With that, he leaned back and threw the ring towards the center of the pond as hard as he could. It arced in midair, vanishing just before it hit the water.

Sighing, he turned away from the duck pond to return to his dorm. A young lady was looking down on him from the sidewalk that circled the edge. One of her hands was closed, and she opened it toward him as she spoke. “Good morning. I think you dropped something.” She smiled.

Nick’s eyes traveled from the ring resting in the palm of her hand up to her honey colored eyes, and he knew. “That’s okay,” he told her. “You can keep it.” He bounded up the shallow hill to meet her, and they continued down the path together as the morning dew retreated from the ground.

Nick’s complaint file was closed.