Writer’s Challenge #12- Abnormal Appendages, Trousers By David Crerand

For many years I walked this land,

Wishing that I was dead,

I had abnormal appendages

Protruding from my head.

Some laughed, some stared, most hurried by

Sheltering children from the freak,

I bore my shame most angrily

Purchasing new scarves and hats each week.

Many surgeons took consulting fees

But wouldn’t raise their knives,

Much to great a risk, way too large a task

even worse, ruination of professional lives.

Drunken friends, in bars at night,

Made childish games, like shapes in clouds,

Til I would stumble out, deep in my cups

And wrap the night around me like a shroud.

So I went to my last consultation,

The doctor’s name even started with “Z”,

I was surprised when he said “Disrobe completely”,

 What the hell was it that he couldn’t see?

But I followed his orders precisely,

Trousers, shirt, briefs and socks hit the floor,

I stood proudly in my birthday suit glory,

When moments later he came through the door.

 “God’s given you a marvelous penis”

whistling, with admiration he said,

 “I’m sure that it’s His compensation

For the appendages he stuck on your head.”

He had me lay flat on the table

And took out a tape measure and pen,

 He measured and poked and finally spoke

“I’ve a theory to try if I can.”

So he called for his nurse, a raven-haired lass,

And bade her to take off her clothes,

An inspiring sight, filling me up with delight

 As both spirit and grand manhood rose.

With nary a blush, she obeyed without fuss,

 And my manhood became quite engorged

With one hand at her wrist and the other her tush

The doctor gently tossed her on board.

 Because of the size, she squeezed shut her eyes

Her look that of complete determination,

 And taking her time, and holding her breath

She succeeded to full termination.

After resting a moment she began to post,

The room heat up like a Roman candle

 Without any prompt her hands reaching out

She grabbed the appendages like a motorbike handle.

 And onward we raced her tugging my face

Til our passion did crash with a roar,

 And when she was done with what she’d begun,

 She used my handles to swing down to the floor.

The doctor momentarily forgotten

amidst the thrill of such a great ride,

“I knew they had purpose, I just knew it” he said

 And I now had a new source of pride.

The nurse asked me my name and I told her

 That all my friends just call me Puck,

She said “Fine with me, my name’s Shelly B.

and You sir are one hell of a …guy”.