A first attempt at flash fiction.

                        Writer’s Challenge #14- Broken Mirror, Enemy

                                                                        By David Crerand

 

            It was the destruction of his life,  that was all. The total dismantling of all the dreams and aspirations he had spent the last twenty-five years formulating, molding, nurturing. And now, they were gone. Smashed by the selfishness and childish demands of a son who chose to blame his failures on his father.

            The last eight years had been dominated by his wife’s medical struggles. And he had believed firmly in his heart that he was providing the support that she required. There had been one procedure after another, the therapy, the borderline cosmetic surgeries to build self-esteem, the counseling, the quietude, the separate bedrooms, the lack of intimacy. And finally, living with a wife who was more of a roommate than a partner. And now was the time for the ultimate payback.

            It had been a trivial argument with his son, over an inability to budget, and, the fact that the “free” car that dad had given him and was still making the payments on was a gas-guzzler. Granted, Dad probably shouldn’t have had a few beers before the talk, but he had just gotten a new job after months of frustration and unemployment and was pleased for the first time in a long time.

            “I’ll even trade cars with you,” Dad had tried, “you can take my little car and I’ll take the SUV if that will help!”

            “You think it’s that simple?” his son had shouted.

            “Well,” the Dad asked confused, “why isn’t it?”

            “You always find fault with whatever I choose to do,” the son hurled at him.

            “I love you, “ said the Dad quietly, “I’m proud of you and I’ve always been proud of you. I don’t understand where this is coming from.”

            “Of course you don’t” the son snickered, “you just look down on everything I do and shake your head like I’m some kind of idiot.”

            “I’ve never done that,” the Dad now was so mad at himself for those couple of beers. He truly was confused about how this little chat had blown up into a nuclear confrontation.

            “Go to hell,” the son had screamed, slamming the door so hard on his way out that the rattling frame next to it now held an expensive, antique broken mirror.

            “I don’t understand,” said the Dad, “I had a plan that would’ve helped him.” But his wife turned a cold and angry shoulder. “There’s no reason for him to be that angry at me,” the Dad tried again. His daughter stood without a word and left the room, an indication of what was to come.

            I’ve become the enemy, Dad thought. I’ve done nothing, but I’ve become the enemy.

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Comments (16)
  • Valerie Curtiss on Nov 2, 2009

    Good writing

  • CrystalFlute on Nov 2, 2009

    Great writing!

  • cutedrishti8 on Nov 2, 2009

    Great piece of work..

  • cafftee on Nov 2, 2009

    An excellent and intense vignette David.

  • Tanya Wallace on Nov 2, 2009

    This was a really creative write!!I liked the whole storyline,very imaginative, yet real and very well written! Terrific write indeed!

  • Darla Cooke on Nov 3, 2009

    Great story for the challenge!

  • Rod Ferrandino on Nov 4, 2009

    The Dad’s dilemna; I often have to remind myself that I didn’t get into marriage and parenting with the reward of gratitude in mind. On the other hand, I now better understand the torments my folks went through.

  • lillyrose on Nov 5, 2009

    You know I love your creativity and this is no exception!

  • XXElleXX on Nov 7, 2009

    Anything under a thousand words is considered flash-fiction..this story has a definite plot i.e. a beginning, middle and end..intense dialogue..and a facet of the ‘human condition’ is contained within..’The total dismantling of all the dreams and aspirations he had spent the last twenty-five years formulating, molding, nurturing..’..how many mums and dads have felt this way about a daughter or son..a mighty fine write David :-)

  • Duff D Moss on Nov 9, 2009

    I wonder how many Dad’s feel this way at times. Great, intense and captivating. Spock would be stuffed as a human Dad. You’re pieces are always a great read. Thanks again for playing dude.

  • maranatha on Nov 10, 2009

    Boy, does this sound familiar! Great write. Is it a piece of a larger story? It feels like it could easily be.

  • Mila Marcos on Dec 2, 2009

    Good stuff David My dad and I clash big time but we love each other despite our disagreements.

  • Ruby Hawk on Dec 11, 2009

    It was an interesting moment right to the end.

  • jaysonv on Jan 2, 2010

    Nice work. A work of love. Very interesting one.

  • qasimdharamsy on Jan 5, 2010

    Nice piece….

  • Midie on Feb 6, 2010

    Great writing

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