“Man, you are one lucky b.a.stard.” Top said as he wrap his arm around GD`s shoulder. “Bom noona and CL… how`s it feel?”

GD seriously wanted to laugh but chose to remain silent.

“Don`t answer… I`m not really interested bout them. Tell me about Dara, bro. I mean, TELL ME! Wasn`t that just hot? God, you`re a lucky b.a.stard!!! And Kush hyung, he`s a genius! We should do one of those for my birthday.”

GD eventually laughed and so did YB.

“Yeah, I know. It won`t happen.”  Top surmised. “Not to me… Dude, really, I envy you. How`d you get close to all the girls?”

“I just am.” GD casually answered.  “It`s called charm, bro.”

“Haha! But you`re right.” He paused for a moment.  “I should tell you I hate you right now, lucky b.a.stard.”

“Enough lucky, enough b.a.stard. Let`s get out of here.” YB finally spoke.

“Ooops, sorry… but don’t you have anything to say about Dara tonight?” Top asked YB.

“Hmmm… as usual she was very pretty. I`m glad she seemed animated throughout the evening which was so different from her mood the whole day.” YB answered while playing with his phone holder. He spoke as if he was talking with himself.

“Why, what happened earlier?”

“I don`t know. But she seemed distant. I don’t know but it felt like… like I couldn’t get to her.”

For a moment they`d become silent, the three of them. GD for his part wanted to escape. They are killing him. YB, especially.

“Wow, bro, that is some serious s.h.it.” Top broke the silence. “I mean, I love Dara, so I know what you mean. I just
thought you weren’t… really that into her.”
“It`s okay, right? I mean, u said it.”

“Of course. Like I said I`ll hate it if she ended up with someone else but I`d be happy if it`s you, bro.” Top extened his hand to YB and the two clasp fist.

“What if it was someone else other than you two?”

The two looked at GD as if he was asking them something that just can`t happen.

“We`ll beat him!” Top answered. YB laughed. They high fived.

“Will you beat me?”

“Did you say something, bro?”

“It`s nothing… Let`s go?”

*

YB lay in his bed. He couldn’t sleep. He`d been wondering about Dara since he spoke to her during Inkigayo that afternoon. She didn’t seem the usual attentive Dara, the Dara who always has a ready smile whenever they see each other, the Dara who`d ask how`s he been doing and stuff. Those are casual, simple and trivial moments but he cherished them just because… just because she`s Dara.  Dara — she knew exactly how to make him laugh, how to make him talk and come out of his shell bringing out the silly side of him that very few people know of. Dara knows exactly when to just listen, when to offer be talkative, when to be dorky when he`s feeling down and cheer him up, and when to be serious like when it comes to music, career, and well, life, in general. She understands him and knows him a lot, it seems, except the fact that he loves her. Or maybe that`s his problem. Perhaps he`s just not showing her enough of how much he really cares. Nonetheless, he`s gonna take his time. What`s important is they`re actually good friends. She makes him feel needed, which in turn makes him feel special, never mind if she felt he was more of brother-material. She needs me and I`m okay with it. Someday, one day, she`ll realize I was meant for her. She`ll see.

Meanwhile, I`ll make sure that she knows I`m someone she can depend on anytime, like Ji.

Will you beat me?

Jiyong words echoed back to him. Did he hear it right? He`s not really sure but if he did, does it mean Ji likes Dara too?

Oh no.

*

Top had been in bed an hour ago but he still could not sleep. The image of Dara`s seductive moves and look is still crisp fresh in his memory. She was sexy and lovely at the same time, and I wish I were Ji and she was mine for the night. I love you, Dara noona.

She`d always been a mystery to him. She says she likes tough younger boys. He`s tough AND younger so what the heck was wrong with him? Exactly the question, T; what the heck is wrong with you when it comes to Dara? But where did I go wrong? Didn’t I show her enough how much I really cared? Was it something too soon?
Aaaghhh. The same questions. The same unanswered questions.

If you think about it, she seems like a friendly and bubbly person. Yeah, sure, friendly and bubbly to everyone but me. While he, on the other hand, has never had problems with women, well, not really. He wasn’t particularly friendly and close to them like Ji but he`s ok with everyone but Dara. Everyone but Dara; when it should’ve been her friendship and company that I wanted more.

He envies Ji. He often just joked about it but didn’t they say all jokes were half-meant?

Will you beat me?

GD`s words echoed back to him. Did he hear it right? Sounds like it but nah, it can`t be, he thought. Jiyong and Dara are really just close friends. Two funny lovely dorks he happens to be both fond of. She`s got a different personality from Jae so she can`t be his type and the last time he checked the guy is still writing heartbroken songs. Right?

Right?

*

GD watched as Gaho slept soundly and wished the same. Well, not really. He really wishes to call and talk to Dara but since he cant then he might as well sleep since he seriously needs one.

He misses her already. He missed her smile, her laughter, her voice. He missed her smell, her touch, her kiss, her presence, her everything. She gave him a very special birthday present tonight, he should be really happy, but truthfully, she only made him want for more. Am I selfish, he thought. If I am, can you blame me?

Dara, if we weren’t in this circumstance you`d be here beside me now – laughing, talking, cuddling in each others` arms, looking at the stars and dreaming dreams. I won`t have to imagine kissing you again and again, no need holding on to the taste of your lips that lingers in my head. Baby, I love you. I want to make you happy like you make me. I`ll show you, you and me, we can be so perfect together. Dara, baby, I want you so much it hurts. F.u.ck, not that again.
GD stood up. His eyes land on his sheets. He shook his head and grinned. “You guys got to go. you’re only making this feel worse.”

GD stripped down naked and dipped himself in the bathtub filled in frozen cold water. He needed to cool himself, to numb his senses, and stop the burning desire deep inside of him.

Dara.