YOU LET HIM DESTROY YOU

The tense pain that is in my temple it feels like the end, the end of everything that is known to me, and I don’t want to feel this way again, I pray to God, for him to put me out of my misery, but I am still here and don’t know why, as the tears run down my face and my head hurts as if it doesn’t belong to me.  At this time I really wish it didn’t.  Is it because a man just said you let your ex destroy you?  Well that hurt me really bad, and I don’t know how to deal with it because the man that spoke these words I just happen to lust for very much.  My head hurts really badly that is the pain that I feel but does he even care?  I don’t know he say he loves me but he doesn’t comfort me I don’t know maybe I don’t deserve to be comfort because of the life I had with my ex and all the things that I was accused of letting happen to me and my children.  As a tear roll down my face my body aches from the pain all over and I feel like going crazy.  I put my hands on each side of my face and push so hard that I which my head would explode.  Love is pain I don’t want to love cause for me to love feels like dying and sometimes I wish I wasn’t here.  The weight is so heavy that I cannot get up because it keeps pushing me down and down as though I am sinking in quick sand.  My heart hurt, my head hurt, and my chest hurt, but all I can hear in my head is you let him destroy you.  These words ring as loud as a Sunday morning church bell for Sunday school.  Should I let those words take me back to the situation with my ex again when I have prayed and tried so hard to rise from all that hell only to be reminded that I am still in hell!   I let him destroy me; those were the words that came out of my new love’s mouth.  Did he not know what he was doing, he was punishing me for letting him destroy me and putting the blame on me when it has took my soul, my heart, my pain, and my prayers to just get inches out of hell and he goes and drags me back in.  I LET HIM DESTROY ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!