I stand in the shower
the cold water
hitting my back and neck.
Never in my life have I had
such an enormous challenge,
never in my life have I
ever thought of the sirens
as I do now.

Because I hear the
howling of the sirens
outside my window,
blaring and screaming
determined to be heard
and I wish them for me.
I wish they would come closer
I wish it was me they were coming for.
I wish it were me they were coming to rescue.
Lifting me up,
all people lifting me up on their carrier,
oxygen to my mouth,
hand to my pulse
trying to hard to help me live.

And it all sounds strange I know
but it is this amount of help
that I long for,
it is this fear of living
that I live with.

Ice pack to my forehead
and IV strapped to my side.
Could it heal me?
I feel like nothing else can.