The heater was working, and yet I was shivering. The temperature inside the car seemed colder than outside on that Christmas Eve. He looked over at me and simply asked: “Just like that?” I couldn’t believe my ears. I thought to myself: What a stupid thing to say. It was then that I absolutely realized what should have been obvious all along…that he was waiting for me to make the first move, and finally end whatever it was that we had. The coward.

I had sensed him inching away from me a few weeks before. Something seemed to be “off”, but I would not allow myself to entertain such feelings for longer than an instant. I was so in love, or so I thought, that the idea of us breaking up was way too much for my 18 year old mind to wrap itself around. So, I ignored the signs; The many weekends apart when he had to “help his father around the house”, the dates that were cut short because he had to study for architectural school, the knowing looks from his friends, the subtle warnings from my mother. Even my grandmother wasn’t sure about him, and she liked everybody. He would arrive late for events and then leave early, always with a reasonable excuse, at least in my opinion. Five years older than I, he had been in the service, owned a little blue French sports car, and charmed everyone he came in contact with. Especially me, knocking me off my feet. Thinking back, was it only fascination…or a genuine romance?

We worked for the same company, him on the 4th floor, me on the 10th. Saw each other nearly everyday, meeting in front of the building, lunches together, going for walks downtown, dating after work…on weeknights, of course. He taught me how to drive, bestowed gifts upon me, took pictures of me, and held me in his arms for hours. Even drew up plans for the home he would build for the two of us when he became an architect. I couldn’t believe how lucky in love I was!

I recall the night when he needed to leave a party before it was over. Was it ok with me? I understood, of course, and as we kissed in the doorway, he had an odd look on his face, and while holding me at arms length, blurted out“I think I’m falling in love with you.” His words said one thing, but his eyes, something else. Something I couldn’t quite see clearly enough. He seemed divided, almost being of two minds. But, I quickly dismissed what was there, ignoring my inner voice, and convincing myself that he was simply in a hurry, nothing more. I could focus only on those beautiful words that echoed in my head over and over again, like a boulder falling into a canyon… “I think I’m falling in love with you.”