Still Life

Sarah Anne Burns on Dec 1, 2009

Tags: life and death

Another tragedy.

I was thirty-three weeks into my pregnancy and I could not feel the baby move any more. I mentioned this to a few people, including my husband, and they all told me not worry. After a few days I got a blinding headache and started to feel sick from the pain. I went to the doctor the next day and was told to lie on the couch while he probed me with a hearing magnifier. He spent a life time pushing the trumpet into various parts of my swollen belly, and then stood up with a big sigh.

“I can’t hear anything” he told the midwife. She replied that if the baby hadn’t moved for more than twelve hours that I could be sent to the local hospital to be put on a monitor. So I was told to go straight to the hospital for this.

I remember walking back to the car and sitting in the passenger seat and bursting into tears. I just about communicated the situation to my husband . He looked annoyed and said that he was on holiday and that going to the hospital would spoil this. He said that he was sure that everything was alright and that this was just an inconvenience. He drove to the hospital which was about 10 miles away and I was lead onto a monitor bed while he sat in the waiting room.

Various straps and gadgets were buckled to me, and the nurse fiddled about a bit with the monitor and loudspeaker. Nothing could be heard. This went on for a while. She went out of the examination room and after seemed what was an age she came back with the Sister of the ward.

“There’s definitely something there, but we would like to keep you in over night for observation, and give you an ultrasound tomorrow morning. Have you got your overnight pack with you?”. I panicked a bit and said no, but I could get one brought in, it wasn’t a problem. The lead me into the main ward and showed me to a bed.

My husband was brought in and he looked angry.

“I don’t get many holidays, and now this happens”. I felt awful. I didn’t want to spoil his holiday. I felt rotten inside from his internally seething anger. His eyes were flashing and his nostrils flaring, as they did when he was just about to explode.

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Comments (7)

Jo Burton on Dec 1, 2009
So sad Sarah, you must still feel this very deeply.They say that time heals, but never completely for an experience like that.
Albert van der Steeg on Dec 1, 2009
How awful this must have been and somewhere deep inside still is. And how inconsiderate doctors can be, they can hardly can see the person beyond “the case” that the are handling.
Froukje on Dec 1, 2009
Dear Sarah….I do not have words for this. I am a mother.
I can understand, what it means to you.
With love,
Froukje
Gea on Dec 1, 2009
It is amazing these people were not more caring and considered. You went through a nightmare.
The only good thing I felt, was the fact that your ex-husband went from worrying about his days off to realizing, that the two of you had lost something precious.

I am so sorry. you lost your baby-girl
Yvonne B on Dec 1, 2009
Wow………….this story gets me. How hard it must have been to carrty on with live after that. That scar on your body is not near as deep as the scar it left in your heart. I cannot see you ever saw the baby as a \\\”it\\\”, to you it was allready your baby you had been taking too and carrying. Your beautifull girl that allready was so much alive in your dreams you had for her. Maybe it would have helped had they allowed you to barrie her.
What a nightmare and so little support from the doctors…………so sorry!
Jo Rice on Dec 2, 2009
I am in tears for you Sarah – what an awful experience to go through!

I am lucky enough to have 4 children, but I am haunted by the abortion I had aged 21.. and my first birth was not an easy one .. I had planned for it to be completely natural and at home, but I ended up being advised to take pethedine after a long painful labour, and was sent to hospital,where the pushing stage apparently went on too long .. whilst the blood vessels were bursting in my face the midwife was shouting at me \”don\’t you want this baby to be born!\” .. they then whisked me through into another delivery area, stuck my legs up in clamps and told me that I was having an emergency forceps delivery and invited students in to watch! It wasn\’t till then that they realised that I had a hooked tailbone and they had to break it in the process of pulling my son Tom out, which was excruciating, but moments later Tom was in my arms, which was wonderful, but he was lucky to be alive .. the red mark on his forehead from being pushed against my tailbone was only a centimetre or so from his fontanelle!

I think that writing about such experiences is a very good thing to do, as it is healing in a way and definitely connects with other people. I am also thankful to you for making me aware of this site as I may put some of my poetry and creative writing on here too. Jo Rice x
sloanie on Dec 17, 2009
As a man I have no idea of your pain, I can only hope time will help to heal your suffering.

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