There was a loud bang on the door. I ran to it, pushing through the hordes of people who where staying in my inn due to the census in Bethlehem. I flung it open, and nearly shouted a torrent of abuse, but then I stopped. Standing in front of me was a half dead donkey, an undernourished skinny man with a hideous beard. Standing next to him was a rather Obese, overfed looking woman who seemed to be about 40. I looked closer, and I realized that the woman was not obese, but pregnant, though, unfortunately, the man’s beard stayed the same.  

“Hello.” she said “We where just wondering whether you have a spare room”

“Sorry, love, no room spare. me ‘umble inn is crowded with foreigners.”

“OH PLEASE SIR!” wailed the woman nearly collapsing. 

“Well, as a matter a fact me stable has a few pigs n’ asses in but they will not hassle you unless you provoke them. If you are that desperate then you can have a kip round their place.” 

“Fierce” the man with the elongated beard finally spoke. 

“By the way, what are your names” I asked.

“The Virgin Mary and Joseph” Mary said proudly.

“What the……”

“He’s the son of God” whispered Mary.

“Why is he the son? why not the daughter?” I ask, rather offended. 

“‘Cause he is”

“Right….”

“We’ll be off then” Mary said cheerfully, “Bye!”

5 minutes later….

Tap, tap, tap, the door again. I kick it open in fury. 

“All right” Shepherds that smelt like excrement greeted me rather unpleasantly. 

“Hello, I am sorry, but we have no rooms left, please leave the premises” 

“We’ve come to see Mary and Joseph” said the ringleader.

“What? those nutters who thought their unborn baby was the son of God?” I remarked.

“Excuse me, they are brilliant, considerate people and we should respect them and God almighty, an angel told us to come here because a new king will be born and his name is Jesus.”

“Ok ok, If you want to see a screaming woman in labour, a sickly donkey, pigs, asses, and a hideous man who happens to have a touch of acne, you’ve come to the right place” I replied, tired of those deluded religious types.

“WE WANT TO SEE MARY!!!” The shepherds screamed in distress. 

“God! Steady on folks, they’re in there.”

“NEVER USE THE LORD’S NAME IN VAIN OR YOU WILL BE SPENDING THE REST OF ETERNITY WITH SATAN!”

“Ok…calm…why don’t we all go and praise Jesus and sing a holy hymn to the ever powerful God?”

“Yes. lets” The shepherds cried in delight.

“Note the sarcasm” I muttered.