here are 10 steps on how you can up your happiness ante and beat  a killjoy at his own game.

step 1: don’t let yourself be affected by his moods. if he pulls a long face when you say you want to go for tea with your friends,still go ahead and do it. he may pull a tantrum when you get home but remember to remain cool and collected. tell yourself that just because he doesn’t want to enjoy himself, doesn’t mean that you can’t either.

step 2: don’t include him in your plans if you know he’s going to spoil them. try to arrange it such that he won’t exactly know you’ve done it on purpose. for example, if you know that he has a golf game on sunday, tha’s the time you take your children out for a pizza treat. if he’s going out for a drink with his buddies, plan for a movie with your friends. so while he’s having fun himself, he can’t very well grudge you or the children theirs.

step 3: keep some fun money aside for yourself and the children. sometimes the killjoy habit simply comes out of plain stinginess. your man just can’t see money being spent. if you buy a present for your son, he immediately feels, ” you’re wasting money” and will say something to dampen everyone’s spirit.

step 4: play smart. he can’t imagine why you would need more than three pairs of shoes but you sure do. you don’t have to show him everything you buy. just quietly keep it away in your cupborad. if he never notices that it’s something new, well and good. if he does, just say “i bought it ages ago”.

step 5: talk to your trusted friends. sometimes just getting the whole thing out of your system helps. when you and your friends have a good laugh about it, the problem doesn’t actually dissapears but will seem to have less “power” to make you feel miserable.

step 6: lead your own life. what happens with a killjoy husband is that a woman sometimes loses her identity. she’s dictated by rules that she follows just to keep the peace in the house. sometimes, she starts restricting her own self. but once you realise that there is nothing he can do if you don’t follow his rules, you will feel much better. remember that you are an adult now.

step 7: take up a hobby that gets your mind off the home front for a couple of hours. exercising for instance helps release stress and clears your mind. you can also try meditating which is a great way to relax.

step 8: try not to let him affect your children. you may be able to cope with his negativity but it isn’t exactly good for their mental health. do what you can for them and if you think that what he’s doing is getting out of hand, it’s time to have a chat.

step 9: talk to him. let him see your point of view and see if a compromise can be reached. if you’re heading nowhere, it might also be a good idea to speak to close relatives or friends whom you spouse trusts. sometimes you get more effective results when someone else your husband looks up to, talks some sense into him.

step 10: try to get him to agree to go for professional counselling. some men do become worried at the prospect of divorce and agree to go for counselling. others may not budge. in really bad cases, you may need to ask yourself if you really want to stay in a killjoy marriage.