Try to think cool when you are mad…
4)You should never subdue a child spouse or business associate, tie them up and gag them and put them in a box in a dark closet for 2 hours and 15 minutes or confine them to a large dresser drawer or armoire. This is just mean and may cause an early onset of osteo-arthritis and perhaps a permanent adversion to light leaving the person the possible option of becoming a vampire; then they will come back and bite you and suck your blood and weather they are a real vampire or not does not really matter because you will have an unsightly and permanent scar on your neck or other appendage. Then it would suck to be you.
5) Never take a hand grenade and tie fishing line to the pin and put it in the offender’s mouth after they are secured to a tree by the method of your choosing. Common ways to achieve step one of this goal are duct tape, chain or tightly wrapped bunji cords. Super glue is also an option but much messier and more difficult to achieve with a confrontational adversary. Once you are ready to put the grenade into the supposed deserving offenders mouth, secure it with duct tape. This method is 100 % effective and will always cause death and unless you are a safe distance of at least 30 yards minimum away, even that is really too close for safety, you just probably shouldn’t do this. It is dangerous and the meanest of all the things you shouldn’t do when you are angry.
Image via Wikipedia
6)Never throw the person who is wrong off a cliff. This is illegal everywhere in the United States except Arizona, although perfectly legal and understandable in several other countries. I can only comment on the legalities within the boundaries of this country.
7)Never set yourself on fire when you are angry at yourself or another. This is quite irreversible and pretty damn just plain stupid, and it hurts like hell too.
Image via Wikipedia
8)If some halfwit cuts you off on the freeway, something there is no excuse for, ever, no matter what, don’t drag them out of the car and let them roll around on the freeway even though it is 100% deserved. This is called road rage and only permissible in Compton, California and New York City, New York. It is discouraged but often happens in Tennessee and Kentucky but may go unpunished.
Image by Omar Omar via Flickr
9)Never through them through a closed window or door for that matter and stomp on their head, just because I said so. Unless they are a burglar, then pull them back in the house and finish the job!
10)Wasn’t nine enough? Geeze you greedy rascals. Have a great day and don’t get angry.
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