Try to think cool when you are mad…

4)You should never subdue a child spouse or business associate, tie them up and gag them and put them in a box in a dark closet for 2 hours and 15 minutes or confine them to a large dresser drawer or armoire. This is just mean and may cause an early onset of osteo-arthritis and perhaps a permanent adversion to light leaving the person the possible option of becoming a vampire; then they will come back and bite you and suck your blood and weather they are a real vampire or not does not really matter because you will have an unsightly and permanent scar on your neck or other appendage. Then it would suck to be you.

5) Never take a hand grenade and tie fishing line to the pin and put it in the offender’s mouth after they are secured to a tree by the method of your choosing. Common ways to achieve step one of this goal are duct tape, chain or tightly wrapped bunji cords. Super glue is also an option but much messier and more difficult to achieve with a confrontational adversary. Once you are ready to put the grenade into the supposed deserving offenders mouth, secure it with duct tape. This method is 100 % effective and will always cause death and unless you are a safe distance of at least 30 yards minimum away, even that is really too close for safety, you just probably shouldn’t do this. It is dangerous and the meanest of all the things you shouldn’t do when you are angry.

Image via Wikipedia

6)Never throw the person who is wrong off a cliff. This is illegal everywhere in the United States except Arizona, although perfectly legal and understandable in several other countries. I can only comment on the legalities within the boundaries of this country.

7)Never set yourself on fire when you are angry at yourself or another. This is quite irreversible and pretty damn just plain stupid, and it hurts like hell too.

Image via Wikipedia

8)If some halfwit cuts you off on the freeway, something there is no excuse for, ever, no matter what, don’t drag them out of the car and let them roll around on the freeway even though it is 100% deserved. This is called road rage and only permissible in Compton, California and New York City, New York. It is discouraged but often happens in Tennessee and Kentucky but may go unpunished.

Image by Omar Omar via Flickr

9)Never through them through a closed window or door for that matter and stomp on their head, just because I said so. Unless they are a burglar, then pull them back in the house and finish the job!

10)Wasn’t nine enough? Geeze you greedy rascals. Have a great day and don’t get angry.

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Comments (26)
  • Butterfly Musings on Jan 28, 2010

    yes anger gets you no where:}

  • Francy on Jan 28, 2010

    that’s right.
    Great article.
    Keep them coming

  • clay hurtubise on Jan 28, 2010

    I was sure microwaving your cat would be number one!
    Thanks,
    Clay

  • Darla Cooke on Jan 28, 2010

    Very interesting article.

  • Mark Gordon Brown on Jan 28, 2010

    This was great, should have been on Purple Slinky.

  • LoveDoctor on Jan 28, 2010

    I want to do all of these right now at this moment. lol

  • qasimdharamsy on Jan 28, 2010

    Nice piece…well written….

  • Guy Hogan on Jan 28, 2010

    Anger is natural; but it can lead us to do things we regret later. Greater is he who conquers himself than conquers a city.

  • Brenda Nelson on Jan 28, 2010

    dont write a link about how you hate your boss if you use your own name on line and there is a chance they could find it!

  • Karen Gross on Jan 28, 2010

    I think you should also add the dangers of neglecting to clean your kitty litter boxes everyday. Especially if your cats also have access to your computer. If you do neglect cleaning the litter box and your cats do access your computer then for your own self protection you must not allow them access to B Nelson’s personal message account. I’m not saying that she isn’t guilty on any charges of aiding or abetting disgruntled pets, but I have heard rumours that she may have given advice to at least one feline whose name cannot be mentioned in Canada because of our feline protection agency, scientific information on how to disguise deadly poisons by cutting them with sodium bicarbonade (which anyone who does clean their litter boxes would know is common baking soda.)

  • AlmaG on Jan 28, 2010

    Wow what a list! yes anger doesn’t get you anywhere but I like the thought that revenge is sweet haha! :D

  • PR Mace on Jan 29, 2010

    I agree with what a list. I tend to have a temper and I usually say thinks I shouldn’t have, then I can’t take them back.

  • XXElleXX on Jan 30, 2010

    Hehehehahaha damn it…you’re right Bo…self-harm and grievous bodily harm inflicted on others can be fatal…and will probably see you serving time in a maximum security prison or a nut-house for the criminally insane…very good :-)

  • Anuradha Ramkumar on Feb 2, 2010

    Wonderful writeup. One must know how to control his/her anger.

  • Val Mills on Feb 4, 2010

    Love it. I’ll certainly remember to not set fire to myself. I didn’t like that picture.

  • S A JOHNSON on Feb 9, 2010

    LOL …

  • Summer18 on Feb 17, 2010

    loved it…very funny and definitely an original spin ~ now what CAN we do when we’re angry?? I’ll be waiting :)

  • Versatile Artist on Feb 23, 2010

    I just joined yesterday and was searching for possible friends and reading material.This was just great and worth reading,Out of all the things to not do when angry,would have never thought about any of these.Loved it!

  • Littlekid137 on Feb 23, 2010

    Haha yes these are things that you may wanna avoid doing. It could end with serious consequences. Good write Bo, one of your best

  • Enjoy The Joy on Feb 26, 2010

    :)

  • Jo Oliver on Mar 4, 2010

    Very good advice to stay jail-free and keep ones body intact! :)

  • mo hoyal on Mar 7, 2010

    Oh, you are such a nut, but a good one! Enjoyed your banter!

  • J.L. Eck on Mar 28, 2010

    Never try mentos and coke together, either

  • maeraquel on Apr 3, 2010

    you might break expensive things in the process of doing those anyway. huzzah!

  • Grant Peterson on Apr 10, 2010

    Lol

  • patofgold23 on Jun 1, 2010

    momentary mistakes could cost you lifetime consequences..great share.

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