A Funny Thing Happened

Duff D Moss on Mar 30, 2009

Tags: CERN, genie, humor, Large Hadron Collider, Wish

A funny thing happened to me today when driving into work – and well of course the result was that my mind wandered into avenues of weirdness that not even I comprehend fully.

Image of the earth sucking CERN LHC – by Image Editor via Flickr

If you think that issue is important…then consider this one. What if a man were to find a genie in a bottle and were to be granted three wishes (and don’t try the wish for a thousand wishes scam – everyone knows that wishing for wishes cancels all wishes – it is the unspoken rule of wish granting). He could be selfish, but should he perhaps think for the benefit of all men? I think all men should vow to come up with three wishes that benefit all of men kind. The wishes should perhaps be spent in a way something like the following:

Wish 1 – That for women, chocolate tastes like crap.

Wish 2 – That for women, semen tastes like what chocolate tasted like before the granting of wish 1.

Wish 3 – That women demand a daily serving of chocolate straight from the pump.

Image of a woman hearing about the man wish construct via Wikipedia

Indeed this is totally sexist and utterly disgusting, but I dare any man to think of something better than that! I cannot however ensure that the wish structure is caveat proof and to ensure the genie doesn’t play a nasty trick on us (like genie, I wish for my tackle to touch the ground, so the genie removes my legs type of thing). I need a group of extraordinary peers to help with the wish construct. Indeed women also need to consider a wish structure that is equally demeaning to men, in case a woman should find the genie first (thus signalling the beginning of the great genie race).

I have thought and thought and thought, but damned if I can find a group of extraordinary peers – so you readers will have to do. Come – ponder with me – it’s the least you can do.

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Comments (19)

Bullwinkle Muse on Mar 30, 2009
OMG…that is just insane…insanely funny! And jeez, that must have been a long traffic light. I’m gonna sit back and see what suggestions the womenfolk offer you, Bruce. lol
Rod Ferrandino on Mar 30, 2009
That fallout from women, and the Godiva Chocolatiers, could lead to an eternal winter in the Duffey household; Benny Hill, however, is rolling over with laughter, if he isn’t lurking about traffic lights, wielding a blind-booter boot.
Morgana on Mar 30, 2009
That chocolate bit was disgusting. The rest of the piece was funny and very entertaining.
Bo Russo on Mar 30, 2009
God Bruce,too too funny!!!
Elizabeth Abbott on Mar 30, 2009
Interesting.
Cassandra Antares on Mar 30, 2009
for some reason, I see the humor is this piece,, heheehe
Fresh Writing on Mar 30, 2009
Ha! Bruce, you think of weird things when you’re driving…Nonetheless, I couldn’t stop laughing…your individual mind ponders the most unusually funny things.

Thank you so much for sharing-I will, upon your permission, stumble this and forward it onto other friends.

Hilarious piece!

-Fresh Writing
grace on Mar 30, 2009
i already demand.. ‘chocolate’… everyday
kns1992 on Mar 31, 2009
Haha! Nice wishes! I love this! Very funny
Fegger on Mar 31, 2009
Man are you plugged-in…I can just picture you at the traffic light with a foil hat sitting next to a Koala in drag. I love this mind!
Samantha J T on Mar 31, 2009
After your thoughts Ive had a thought. Do you think these thoughts are contagious, are they some kind of mental illness. Can you get a mental illness from a traffic light? Who invented the traffic light? How long must you have been at the traffic light? How many traffic lights are there in the world? Why does your eyes go blurry when you stare at a traffic light? Is this traffic light trying to tell me something? I think its angry its turned red!

Great article!
spiritwalker on Mar 31, 2009
I would love to go where your mind does…is there room for one more?
clay hurtubise on Apr 1, 2009
I thought the beeps were for BLIND folks…?
Now the chocolate idea, perhaps a pill could be invented!
Thanks,
Clay
kate smedley on Apr 4, 2009
You are completely mad, in a very funny way. Brilliant again.
Abhichoco on Apr 5, 2009
a great article and fantastic imagination…reading this has given me great ideas…thanks
-abhichoco…
S A JOHNSON on Apr 9, 2009
LMAO so gross but so funny!
11778 on Apr 11, 2009
The beeping is for BLIND people, not DEAF people you thick twat
Duff D Moss on Apr 11, 2009
Oh 11778 – you poor deluded fool. We don’t let blind people cross the road here because as I said it is too dangerous. They can’t see the cars and the seeing eye dogs chase the cars. Have you ever seen a blind person being dragged down the road at 60km chasing cars – it is totally degrading for them.

Perhaps in the motherland you don’t care for the blind like we do – that is a shame – the blind are people too you know.
XXElleXX on Apr 8, 2010
Ha! Hehehehahaha .. get that into ya 11778!! I love chocolate .. and I don’t mind the taste of s—n .. “..That women demand a daily serving of chocolate straight from the pump..” ~ 2nd wish .. the pump should come with a rolling pearl bead insert [which makes the pump feel like it has a pulse] .. 3rd wish .. and the pump should also have an extra 6 cm that will tickle the hard to reach erogenous zone

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