I felt lost. A frightening feeling. A sense of displacement and alienation. For Brecht alienation made good theatre. But for the individual it makes for a terrifying experience. A weakness in spirit overcame me, my sight swirled, objects in front of me took on fluid aspects, colours merged and swayed. Now my surroundings were unrecognisable. I had to force myself to concentrate on my breathing, my automatic bodily functions no longer worked; they had to be consciously instructed.

Deep breath in. Deep breath out. The cool air rushed into me, oxygen reaching those distant places at last. Feeling and sight returning to normal, heart rate reducing, the pressure on my chest easing. I looked around me. No-one else was aware of my experience. People walked past not even glimpsing my way. Everyone ensconced into their own world, life. Did anyone step into anyone else’s shoes anymore? Has empathy died in the modern world? People seem so detached, fragmented, individual. We are told this is a good thing. But I don’t see it. I don’t see how so few people are allowed to destroy so many lives. What is this world of plastic complacency?  

People are outraged into action over a television show, but remain quiet over decisions which kill people. I don’t want to live in a world where charity is BIG and tax is a flat rate for everyone – rich or poor. What kind of civilization needs charity? Surely a truly civilized society nurtures its citizens into caring and patient human beings, each achieving their potential and talents. What function would charity serve in such a society? What would such a society need money markets for?

Swift was right in his satirical attack on society, offering the Houyhnhnms as an example of a civilized society. Little did he know (and I suspect even he hoped for an improvement in the future of society), that Gulliver’s Travels would still find resonance in the 21st century.

Protected in my childhood, exposed in adulthood, I feel vulnerable. I am vulnerable. I try to ignore the sniping, bitter and hateful attitudes of others, but it is not easy. More than ever, my body succumbs to the increasing negative energy arising from dissatisfied populations. A miasma of petty discontent seethes into my arteries causing the stresses on my body; high blood pressure, dizziness and pain in my chest as if my heart is slowly breaking.

Breaking for the beautiful world and children we abuse each day.

But this is only me. Only a small voice in space. A tiny squeak against the thunder of ‘progress’.

A soul lost in the big world, but struggling to exist in my world.