According to the NY Times, the Taliban are starting to use what’s called a lighter touch in Afghanistan in an attempt to more easily make allies.  A lighter touch, yes.  The first sign of this change came when several hot air balloons were reported bouncing off of office buildings bearing the slogan: “Comas to America.”

Toyota has reported a recall of 2.3 million vehicles, apparently because of faulty, sticking accelerators.  When asked why the defect wasn’t found earlier, Toyota’s rep replied that it meshed too well with the slogan to get rid of, “Toyota.  Moving Forward.”  He added, “So strap in and cover your eyes, kids.”

Somali pirates face a new enemy, shipping companies have recently designed a new water cannon that protects the sides of a ship with sheets of high pressure water.  Initially it was thought that the jets of pressure would keep pirates away, but they said in the end it was the distraction of so many low level rainbows that did the trick.

A woman who was threatened with prison if she and her husband didn’t stop having disturbingly loud sex has been spared of prison, not out of leniency but because, as a jailer explained, “we never allow singing of any kind in our showers.”

An American gun making firm has finally decided to remove scripture verses from the rifles it sells to the US military, and as for the ones already off the production line, not to worry.  Two Irish brothers in Boston have purchased all of them for the making of the third Boondocks Saints cult classic entitled, “Bullets of God.”

Sleep tight and be sure to watch Conan tonight.