Dear Aliens,

Can I please have my boyfriend back? I have recently come to the conclusion that the only excuse for my boyfriend’s recent change of personality and the way he acts towards me is due to an alien abduction.

He looks identical to my boyfriend, and talks just like my boyfriend. Every other part of him though is nothing like the man I thought I knew. So I am guessing you guys took my real boyfriend and replaced him with an alien as a punishment. I wish you could have at least replaced my boyfriend with an alien that was a little nicer, because this guy is a real hot mess.

As for the man you took, I know I didn’t deserve him, or show him enough appreciation for what he did, and who he was to me. But could you please give him back, and take someone else?  He looks the same and his voice sounds the same; but besides that there is nothing left.  He went completely missing three months ago, and has been gone ever since. 

I have been with my boyfriend for five years, and for the first time the light behind his eyes is replaced with dead hatred. I am now a roommate to him that he despises. The man who kissed me and told me loved me everyday has been replaced with an a vicious alien. He is know a stranger to me. I don’t know him, and he doesn’t know me. He is not in love with me, and forgot he ever did.

I know that aliens don’t bleed, so you can’t understand the predicament I am in.

The boyfriend I knew used  to tell me he would never hurt me. The person I now live with has done nothing but hurt me.  He has called me names; and told me I was nothing more than a disgrace. Whenever my old boyfriend  and I would have a normal fight, he would say he was sorry and felt horrible. I would know everything was alright.

The alien I live with know isn’t sorry, and doesn’t care. The only emotion he exudes is anger. He tells me I am worthless, stupid and it breaks my bleeding heart. My real boyfriend would never say those things. My old boyfriend had a beating heart.

I know why you took him. He was too good to resist. But please consider giving him back to me. If not now, please bring him back one day. I can’t wait forever. I’m going to have to send the alien packing pretty soon.

If you would please give him this message, I would greatly appreciate it:

I love you so much. I’m sorry I didn’t take enough advantage of the time we spent together. I hope the aliens are treating you good, and you don’t have to perform any weird alien inductions or rituals.

I am sorry I didn’t appreciate you enough. I miss you so much it is killing me. Your pathetic excuse for a imitation I am living with is awful. Don’t worry, he isn’t physically hurting me. You also don’t have to worry if I am sleeping with him, because we haven’t. I guess it’s a good thing that these kinds of aliens don’t like sex. I love you and miss you so much. Please try to come home. The new guy is the opposite of everything you are.

The alien version of you doesn’t like:

Me

Laughing

Smiling

Touching

Kissing

Hugging

Holding

Loving

Protecting

Comforting

Caring

Speaking

Sex

Passion

Fun

Intimacy

If you don’t come back I will always remember you the way you were. I will never picture you as the monster this new alien boyfriend embodies. You are in my heart, memory, thoughts and soul forever.

I love you always,

Your number one searcher.

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