This is the first time i feel good about not being high with THC. I suddenly realized how efficient, productive and emotionally correct I am without marijuana.
Am not saying am better off without it coz that’s impossible. i just feel right. I feel ‘me’ once again. Am consciously aware to anything surrounds me. i felt younger. yeah, younger.
the feeling i had years ago. oshit, i know, this is my first time listening to APC again, i mean ‘listen’ to it and coincidentally without weed. what is this? i feel like a gun ready to unload anytime. I’ve been having the appetite to grab a pen and write anything since last night. i was just too lazy to rose from bed. I remember my past much amplified. i felt the intolerance i once had. i feel the solace from all the grief i was embarked at my younger years. i wanna give my love to anyone who needs it. not the same understanding i have when am elated. I’ve dreamt of my past activities last night in full detail. i saw myself as a young lad. i felt like a boy once again. i had trouble sleeping last night for the same reason; i wanna write, i wanna do something.
after a few hours of sleep and dreaming, i stood up so early and fed my son his breakfast preparing for school.

I didn’t feel tired at all, i just felt right.
I gave my consolidation to one of my staff instead of condemning her for the mistake she did. August 12, 2011, what’s this? an apparition?
I heard that one of my friend’s grandmother is dying, i just felt the loss, grief she’s having. This is indeed a great day. Though I don’t get it. I want more. Until when can i have this? am goosed up perpetually whenever the urge kicks in. i feel blessed. i don’t wanna put this to an end. but i don’t understand, what’s this feeling? a physio-psychological fuck? incapable of annotating precisely or maybe i just did. but something is lost. an absence of an idea, something relevant. oshit, here i am now seeking for the sentient feeling i was having. is it over? i hope not. is this the bottom? a ‘low bottom’ maybe but i don’t consider myself addicted. denial? o fuck negative. it has to end.
what is this? a phantom preluding to consume me or perhaps enlighten me?

strange.