I envy every other species than my own when it comes to the mating game because, unlike them, we’re programmed to want sex all the time (at least the human male is, the females seem to have more specific times when they’re receptive to male advances.) Having a constant craving for sex usually comes when you can’t get it by normal means, ie, having a partner. Finding a partner shouldn’t be too difficult if you’re ‘normal’, I’ve always had an outgoing personality but without, unfortunately, the looks to match; girls can be very cruel when you don’t look ‘cool’.

From an early age I’ve always admired good looks in people of both sexes, feeling like Quazimodo myself. I suppose if you’re born physically perfect with a good personality, the only other people you’ve got to compare yourself with are similar-looking people; though it’s peculiar that very attractive people often choose an ugly friend to go round with, and who’d be very surprised and upset if their ugly friend got picked out for attention instead of them.

I have a constant need when I go out for female attention here in our ‘free’ society where, on the rare occasions when the weather’s warm enough, women wear their revealing summer clothes; but of course you’re not meant to stare at them unless you’re a Jim Morrison (before he got fat and covered his face with hair) or Cary Grant lookalike. When you’re like me and have to wear facially disfiguring glasses with thick lenses in them, it’s almost a crime to be caught ‘leering’ at them in their short skirts and skimpy tops. It’s enough to drive a man like me to a house of ill repute if only I could find and afford one (they’re not allowed to advertise in the UK), and indulge in some animalistic soulless sex. Which is a hex because I’d much rather be in a loving relationship, which has always been denied to be due to my disability of poor sight. I would gladly escort a beautiful blind girl around, or a lovely-looking lady in a wheelchair; of course I know I’ll be pilloried for excluding ugly girls from my eligible category, but can you blame me? Two uglies together don’t make a pretty sight. (I’m 62 by the way.) In fact they could give you a nasty fright if you caught them snogging in an alley one night, if you were a copper and shone your torchlight on their sucking faces.