I was  on a social networking site that caters to folks interested in alternative sexuality and fetishes. I set up a profile. Then I browsed the lists of fetishes. There are thousands possibly more. Sure they have the ones you’ve heard of like: diapers, bondage,boot licking to name a few, but they also have : seduction, superheroes, business suits and cuddles.
There’s a search function, so I typed in “authenticity.” And wouldn’t you know, there 11 members on this site who are kinky for authenticity as well.

I’m not talking about toys or titles, styles or even recipes. I’m talking about who I am. Who is my authentic self?

About a year ago,when I joined the more well known social networking site, filling out my profile, the questionnaire asked for interests. The first thing that came to mind was “authenticity.” Call it kismet, my original face, destiny etc.

Like an invocation to the Goddess, I asked and I received. Like karma, the flame on dry leaves (or is that enlightenment) my journey to authenticity began burning quickly. It burned all the dry leaves of my inauthentic self. There weren’t many but the smoke was intolerable. I realized, I had to leave the room and get out into the open air.

Have I burned away all the the inauthentic vestiges of myself. I don’t think so. For sure I will turn down a few dead end paths if I continue searching outside myself.

That search for “completion” the magical, thing,idea or person that I want to complete me,lead me to abdicate my responsibility and I am off to the races again. That is the journey of addiction which leads only to suffering. It is attachment, craving and desire.

True authenticity requires acceptance. No Dominant outside myself can grant me this. Only my higher power or what I recognize as the Divinity within can take me there. It is more powerful, more painful, more loving and more fulfilling than any “scene.”

I fight. I have been struggling against my true Master all my life. S/He mentors me, S/He advises me, binds me,beats me, until finally I am brought to my knees, shaken and crying, until finally S/He shows me my true face and forces me not to look away. This is real, this is me (as the song goes)and I am beautiful.