I won’t claim that I have had a particularly difficult life so far, but emotions are not rational, and so I suppose that even with the best of lives one might still be in a great deal of pain. I know I have been. I cannot justify it, I cannot always say that I know where the pain comes from, but I do know that it has been there and is still there to an extent. I do not write this for sympathy or help, I simply wish to extend my hand to those who have suffered from bitter sadness and hope to be of some help.

I do not know you, whoever you are, and I may never know you. I cannot know your pain or your tears, but I do know pain and I do know tears. I do not know your circumstances and I do not know your mind and I will never try to claim that I do. I just want you to know that you are not the only person who has felt pain that you may not understand, pain that you may not know how to deal with. I want to share my story with you, and what I hope you can take from it is that you are not alone and that you do not have to feel like your pain needs to be justified. I hope you can take from this that even if you don’t think others know, there is probably someone who you are in pain, and it is sometimes worth it to talk about it.

I suppose the first thing I should tell you is that my mother died when I was one and a half. My father has always been good to me and the worst I could say about him is that he wasn’t around as much as I would have liked when I was young. This was due to the fact that he worked quite a bit in order to keep us going financially. He has always been a very kind man, though, and always interested in making sure that I am making it through whatever I am trying to get through. He provided for me well when I lived with him, and continues to be there for me if I need him now, even after I have moved out.

My biggest problem, when I was little, was that I blamed myself for the death of my mother. It was not my fault, however I was angry that she was gone and I had nothing to do with that anger except to turn it inward. I felt it appropriate to take on a larger role of responsibility in the household, especially for myself. I often wouldn’t tell my father of things I desired or things that would be helpful, so as not to cause trouble. I tried my best to clean when things needed to be cleaned, and I tried not to complain about things that were bothering me. In this way I grew up more quickly than the average child.