It is the humble toilet that has brought humanity to the civilization we know today. Electricity, communications, transport, computers, and the Internet can all owe its foundations to the crap bucket.

Madness I hear you scream. The words raving lunatic are passed from whispered lips to cupped ears. Lost my mind yet others suggest. Perhaps, but consider this – the ancient civilizations of the Indus Valley had toilets and sewage systems as far back as 2500 BC. The ancient Greeks had toilets, the Romans had toilets, and today every advanced civilization has toilets. I hear you sneer “So what – just a natural consequence of a civilization”.  Sneer all you like for your mind is mere demon defecate. You only know what you have been spoon fed by the so called experts as far back as antiquity.

Civilization advances because of technology, which comes from invention and innovation. I tell you this – that the seed of invention is spawned from the mind of a shitter on the crapper. As a person is sitting, waiting for the unholy birth of a terrorist, their mind wanders. There is nothing for the mind to do: three walls, a door, a roof (perhaps) and a floor. It is downright boring. It is essentially a sensory deprivation chamber. The mind without external stimulus looks within and there finds the secrets of the universe.

Do you doubt me? My own personal experience tells me otherwise. My final year engineering project was spawned amid the toxic fumes of a long session of latrine lamentation. As I sat looking for pornographic patterns in the various and dubious stains on the wall, a circuit design of technological wonder formed at my third eye (the one in the middle of the forehead – not the brown eye of chocolate starfish kingdom). Perhaps though my word – although irrefutable – is not enough? Then consider the Mona Lisa which is one of the greatest works of art in human history. That smirk on her face – it wasn’t because Leonardo’s dong was hanging out his shorts leg. She smirked because she was sitting on the crapper and dunking a decent long brownie. Normally she had to do her business in a trench in the street, but a bucket with a wooden plank on it was pure luxury.

Look at her. You know what I say to be true! via Wikipedia

Is this not enough proof?

I then present to you Auguste Rodin’s Thinker statue – dare you assume that is a mere rock he is sitting on? No, it is a turd throne also. The very epitome of a contemplative man is an image of a sitting thinker on a shitting stinker that has been polished by a thousand bare butts. Consider carefully also The Scream painted by Edward Munch. I guess that the pathetic empty headed fools of the world think that this painting is about the descent into madness? Plainly ridiculous…couldn’t find a toilet.

It’s a big one!!! via Wikipedia

Without a doubt it is in that instant of delivering an auburn politician that the secrets of the Universe are given a chance to roam the barren wastelands of the human mind. It could be said that as the darkness is expunged, it is replaced by a spark of divine luminescence. All too often this peek into omniscience is interrupted by the hilarity of a well toned bottom burp and a potentiality of human evolution is lost in a sea of woe, urine and contempt. Occasionally however, as the physical senses are overwhelmed by the passing of stupendous stools, a gem of pure understanding rises above the debauchery of humanity and a chance is presented to improve the fate of us all.

Thus forget about the cure for flu of swine. Forget about the sanction of Korean Northern Nuclear. Forget about corrupt government; forget about war, famine, disease and global warming. Forget it all. Above all else we the people of the earth should ensure that every man, women, and child has access to a mind numbing toilet to further the cause of humanity itself. The solution to all the problems of the world today could be held in latent anticipation in the belly of a Somalian brown bottom rissole, and lost simply for the lack of a shitty chamber of sensory deprivation.