Over the last 36 years of my adult life I have observed women nagging, harassing and brow beating their husband, boyfriend or significant other.  Their voices are loud, sarcastic, and hateful.  Is it any wonder then that men do the things they do to avoid coming home?  Things like going to the bar after work to have a “few beers” with their friends or staying out in the garage working on a “project.”

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not defending these actions of the men, but what if there was a different attitude on the part of the women?  What if when the guy comes  home and no matter if he was out late and dinner was ruined the woman greeted him with a smile and a hug?  That’s it! Nothing more.  No resentful tone telling him how he messed up dinner and asking him where he was, and why didn’t he call and then the heavy silence for the rest of the night.

Ladies, a man has to have a reason to come home, not a reason to avoid coming home.  If you want things to change, and I mean REALLY want things to change, then change yourself.  Stop having the attitude that all he wants to do is make you miserable and that he doesn’t care about you.  If you would let him relax and not have to worry about what kind of mood you are going to be in, he would be home right after work.  He would want to spend more time with you. 

If your husband comes home and dinner is cold, instead of using words and body language that lets him know how angry and hurt you are, let  him know that you are willing to reheat it and see that he is fed.  This tells him that you do care about his well being and that you are putting him first.  After a while, and sometimes it may be a long while, he will be early for dinner and offering to help with the finishing touches and getting it on the table.

When he does come home no matter what time it is, instead of asking “where were you?” Ask him how work was then be sure to give him your full attention and just listen intently.  Listen to him like there is no other reason to be alive except to hear how his work day was.  This is part of his decompression time and to share it with you is very special to a man.  Again, after awhile he will be doing the same for you.  He will become your biggest fan.

I’m not saying things will change overnight and there will be times you want to call your friend and tell her how awful things are. DON’T!! If you call your friend find only positive things to say about your husband.  The only positive thing you may be able to say in the beginning is “he’s a hard worker” or “he smells good”.  This helps you to change your attitude about your husband and helps you gain new habits when it comes to speaking and thinking about your husband. 

Don’t  give up if he doesn’t respond right away.  If you want to improve your relationship or save your marriage focus on changing how you react to what your husband does.  Also understand that I’m not saying let a man beat you or abuse you.  If that’s the case, get out now!! Find someone that will let you stay with them or make your plan to leave and stick with it.

Ladies, we are strong and believe it or not we determine the kind of environment our household will have.  Make it a loving peaceful place of refuge.