I’ve been married once. And I came very close a second time. Often, that engagement felt more like a marriage than the actual one. None the less, I walked down the aisle- white dress, sacred vows, formal ceremony- once.

Marriage was a nightmare. No way do I want to repeat that particular experience, nor would I live like that again.

Having written that being an adult and thriving in adult relationships requires compromise: Where does one draw the line?

When I left my ex-husband, I accused him of wanting me to be his entertainment. He quietly agreed: Yes, that was what he wanted from me.

I have always been somewhat solitary. I can be very social, but I’m also very good at being alone. I’d go so far as to say “alone time” is not just a luxury for me, it’s a need.

Being a man’s entertainment is not in my genetic make-up. And truthfully, there were much larger problems between us, most of which would have been difficult to find compromises for.

Today, being a little older and hopefully a lot wiser, I have to wonder what might be the key to “Happy Ever After…”

Love doesn’t come for free, but it should not be the clichéd “ball and chain”, either.

I’m no expert, but it seems to me that balance and real compatibility are at least part of the secret.

Most women want to feel they are a priority to the men they love. And I’m assuming men feel the same. Bad behavior usually comes from insecurity, and insecurity usually comes from feeling neglected.

Real affection, genuine trust and a certain spark that exists between two people in love form a strong foundation. Wanting similar things from life removes the need for certain compromises. And I can’t say enough about really liking one another. It is quite possible to love someone while not liking them.

Ideally, your mate should be your best friend. He or she should be the person you most want to see at the end of the day. If that is there, the need for compromise goes down dramatically.

Personally, I would like to marry again. Settle down. Be best friends with a special guy.

I’ve had that spark before. My ex-fiance was my best friend at one point in time, and while we were together, I never lost the feeling that he was the only person I wanted to see at the end of the day. To the very end, when he walked through the door, my heart fluttered.

I don’t know if I’ll ever find that again, but I hope so. Being older and wiser, I know some things will be very different- as they should be.

I also know compromise will be a part of things, but if I choose wisely- only a small part.