He carried special toilet paper everywhere he went. He had a sensitive anus. Half of his family was albino, including himself. His name was John Lock, but at the moment he answered to Lockjaw.

            He was a walking anachronism. His red warrior cape and long strapped sandals were soaked in a fog that even his oversized shield could not block. However, he did not live in a Greece dominated by Spartans. He lived in the most humid part of Australia nearly two and a half millennia later. The furious co-ed who sped through the mist toward him was not an anachronism.

    “Chlamydia! You gave me Chlamydia!” She leaned forward to strike him in the crotch. He danced backwards. A stolen motorcycle helmet with a fresh coat of gold paint wobbled on his head. He found what he thought to be the most appropriate words.

            “You deserve it, Paige. By the way, I got it from your whore sister.” He dizzily ran up the stairs to the gymnasium. He was quite purposefully high on golden spray-paint fumes. However, the running wasn’t necessary as Paige was in a wheelchair.

            “My sister’s thirteen,” she shrieked. The words reached him as he entered the gym. Another girl confronted him.

            “Herpes,” she hissed. Her cold-sore ridden lips mirrored his. She hit him in the groin with her crutch. He fell on the one-legged girl with his shield. As he struggled to get back on his feet, the girl tackled him back to the ground.

            “Who are you?” He asked, gasping for breath. He knew exactly who she was. He had given her herpes no more than a week ago. Lockjaw was not a Trojan man. He was a sexually over-active Spartan based solely off Hollywood movies. He knew nothing of protecting himself from venereal disease. He slept with everything that didn’t move in a physically challenged manner.

            “Who am I? Who are you? Why are you dressed like our mascot? You’re no surgeon, Dr. John!” she said. John Lock’s other personality, Dr. John, frequently visited Weipa Hospital dressed as a surgeon for the sole purpose of meeting physically challenged women. However, neither John Lock nor Dr. John knew how many STDs Lockjaw had acquired in the body the three shared.