Standing on a crossroad of life, cars are passing by you, people rushing by, everyone’s going somewhere, or to someone, someplace where they belong, someplace old, and familiar, or new & unknown.  Some going anywhere the road takes them. I think I’m one of those, I have no place where I belong &  i don’t even know where I belong. I don’t know where I’m trying to get to, but what I can say is that I’m trying to get somewhere but I just don’t know exactly where…just somewhere & somehow. Somewhere peaceful, somewhere with success & happiness, a perfect world maybe? But we all know that doesn’t exist, not even in our dreams. But still, that’s where I want to be…I think?
But …they’re people coming in the way, obstacles stopping me, I must choose the right path or I’m back to the start or maybe it’s done, over with, my last chance & it’s gone & I never even knew or had a chance to think about it. Life’s like a video game, but with rules that no one follows, you have no idea what the next level is going to be, & sometimes you don’t even know what you’ve left behind. Everyone knows what they want to be, everyone has a goal, something they want, something they need. Can I say that I have no destination? That I don’t even know what I want, or where I want to be? That I’m just walking, & walking…trying to get through any obstacle, any bump, everything. Just going, without really knowing where I’m heading. I’m on the loose, no idea where I’m going to…just somewhere. God’s guiding me….but what if, there’s a small bump in the road comes that you weren’t able to spot it, & by the time it was in view…it was too late. & you trip & fall. You’ve fallen & now you hope for someone to help you back up, but that never happens. Does it? Why sit & wait? I’ll just get back up by myself. I AM independent. Right? I don’t need anyone…I don’t, I really, really don’t. But I do wish I was a kid again.

Housework, school work or office work, homework, projects, family, friends. All that, part of our everyday lives that we live, I didn’t know how all that put together can drive you crazy. It can be too much to handle, too much stress. Ever felt like the weight of the world is on your shoulders? Yeah, I’ve heard that my whole live but never knew how it actually felt till now. Like, you’re tired but you can’t sleep. You’re trying so hard to sleep but you can’t, there’s too much to think about. & then later you’re trying to best NOT to sleep but all you want to do is sleep. Time is everything. That’s so damn true. I…I wish I could just run away from it all. Just for awhile, please? Just get away from it. But no, I can’t. I can’t runaway, from all of this no matter what, even if I leave people behind…the memories will stay & it’ll still hurt. I have to live no matter what, cause like I said death isn’t the answer & nor do I want to die…Just I want to get away for awhile. I need a break from life. Just want everything to freeze so I can catch a breath. A few minutes? Seconds? Please? ………well, now I have to go study for a French test which I have no idea what it’s about….bye. I’m such a slack thing semester, it’s crazy. I’m trying to get back on track…I really, really am…but it’s so hard & I’m so scared. I’ve never done this bad. UGH. I don’t want to be back tomorrow, or ever. Just want to go away, to a different world, to a different place. Somewhere I hope I belong, because I can’t find a place where I fit in. There’s me & then the rest of the world. I belong nowhere. I love my friends, they’re always there for me, but at times it feels like…I’m just different & I don’t belong AT ALL & no one feels the same…I really don’t know, & today is one of those days where I have too much to think about..my thoughts…they’re all over the place, just like my brain & me…ughh, time to study. I hope, I hope, I can just sleep,