Laying awake all hours of the night contemplating what my next move shall be. I don’t want to lose out on something sweet by making some rash or sour decision. It’s all misunderstanding seeping out from beneath each breath you take. Alluring in a most atypical way. I’m not sure what you’ve been saying for the past hour. My mind is elsewhere. Each time you speak I imagine you are someone other than yourself. This has become so unsatisfying for me. You seem to believe you’ve got me caged or leached. Yet, I cannot be either not by you and not right now. 

I am momentarily transcended to a new reality in which I am queen and you are my king. We rule over the land with soft hearts and open minds. We are the people’s royalty. It’s a rather delectable circumstance and each day seems a bit brighter than the last. You whisper all kinds of mischievous words into my small ears. I cannot help but smile as you express how absolutely wonderful I am. I feel very much obliged to tell you how magnificent you truly are as well. We share sweet little conversations of our admiration and it’s only solidifying our kingdom more completely. It’s rather appealing to know how adored you are by me and simply fantastic to hear you feel the same. My face has been locked in a smile for months now and your expression of joy hasn’t left your face either. We go on little adventures daily through out our land. We meet with all of the town folk monthly and discuss what they would like to see in the future and what are plans our for them and the country. 

This country is very blissful in every corner and in every crack. Every citizen is understandably content. As are we, the king and I. There is presently no enemy in sight. It has been a long time since we have know of such. The ease of our existence is far beyond compare to any other life we could have chosen otherwise. I feel blessed with every fiber in my body and I can see the gratitude in everything from your steps to your kiss. This life is a dream. Precisely.

Now I remember where I was and I start to come back to the surface as I hear your throat clearing. You are starting another sentence and it seems I caught you at an opportune moment. My ears have cleared themselves to listen closely to what you have to say. Finally, I am starting to understand you. With each word more and more comprehension. I have a small desire to abandon all words and just stare at you again. But I pay close attention to what you say and look for clues of your motive in every sentence, in every gesture, in every facial expression. You have done such a good job of confusing me for sometime now that I’m having a difficult time decoding what you truly mean. 

A stale taste enters my mouth as I remember our most recent venture. I’m still unsure about a lot of things and as for you I am the most unsteady. I have my eye on you though. It feels quite strange to admit that. I don’t understand why though.  I already know what you are thinking by now for the most part. I just cannot decide what you truly want. You express a simple attraction and part of me believes that is all it is. I wish I could just cough up the words I really want to say to you. It would be so easy for the both of us if I could just manage to muster them out. And I have yet to chose my words wisely around you.

I have been blurting out strange obscenities just to have some type of communication. One aspect I am most absolutely sure about is the fact that I know you better now than I ever have before and regardless of what else could be I believe whatever it is we are experiencing now is quite a delicate and precious position. I am truly satisfied in our relationship as is but for so many nights, I contemplate what is possible. It’s probably a dangerous decision to even let my mind wander that way but I am powerless in my attempts to stop. 

I wish momentarily to be a thought in your mind. To be inside your head just long enough to gather the only information I am really hungry for at this very second. I would pick your thoughts up like dandelions and blow them freely through out all of space and time. I would try to catch them as they glide through the cold autumn breeze. Like catching falling leaves I am sure this will bring me luck, to hold your thoughts in my hands. Sooner than later I hope one of us knows what’s really occurring inside the both of our strange psyches. I fear that before to much longer I will give into my loneliness and just let it overtake me whole. I don’t want this to be, so I beg of you to let me know.