So, the Republicans and Democrats finally got their heads together and at the very last minute on August 2, 2011 they agreed on and President Obama signed a bill that raises the U.S. debt limit and starts the process of cutting billions of dollars of government spending.  Whew.

Any number of financial wizards and gurus are advising people what to do now to either guard their nest egg or take advantage of an opportunity to put more eggs in their nest.  It’s all very confusing to everyone – and very frustrating as well.  But, not for me.  I’ve put together a sure fire plan that although quite contrarian, will at least give me some peace of mind – at least for a while.

The Mattress Strategy

First, I’m going over to my nearest Sit N’ Sleep store and plunking down my hard earned cash for the biggest mattress they sell.  I’m talking the mother of all mattresses.  I’m talking the kind of bed bouncer that will take 10 guys a couple of hours to lift and get into my upstairs bedroom (I may have to fortify the floor boards).  Then, I’m taking every bit of cash, coin, collectibles and other valuable but tangible asset I can lay my hands on and stuffing it inside my brand new mega-mattress.  Will that be kind of lumpy?  Sure, but that’s why I’m going to take advantage of Step 2.

Sleeping Pill Stocks

Step 2 is I’m going to buy stock in whatever company manufactures Sominex or some other sleeping pills.  I figure if a whole bunch of people follow my lead and start stuffing their wealth into their mattresses there’s going to be a whole lot of sleepy people in this country.  And that means sleeping pills are going to be a big seller.  Ka-ching, right?

Get to Work Kids

Next, I’m going to put every one of my kids to work.  That’s right, with the economy as uncertain as it is my little ones better start plunking their dimes and nickels into company pensions (what’s left of them), 401ks, Social Security, etc. as soon as possible.  I’m even talking about the seven year old twins.  If they can sell lemonade on the sidewalk for a nickel, I say make it a dime.  Forget about the piggy bank and college fund.  I’ll have them buy their own mattresses and stuff it to the gills for the next 20 years.

More Jobs

My plan includes employment.  I’m not talking about my job; I’m talking about my next two or three jobs that I’m searching for.  If I can hold down all those jobs simultaneously – and get by on about three hours sleep – I figure I might just stay ahead of the game.  My dear wife?  She’s already hit CareerBuilder.com – and, dang, she’s a surgeon!  Easy to do some nursing and chiropractic on the side, isn’t it?

Gotta run now.  I heard on the grapevine that the Ortho Mattress Store is having a “post-debt ceiling vote” sale.