life can be a  season,or seasons. love can be a reason,or reasons.
 to die without either measures  painful death,tainted with misfortune.i have had my share of 1/2 filled seasons of love,but never,a complete season,always that inch or 2 short,then right back to lifes curves.some say a 1/2  diamond is better than none,i say the whole diamond or  dung.lifes seasons have given me emptines.loves season has turned the red rose black,with bigger thorns.20 years ago i was young,and my heart was gold and pure, yet untouched by love. .walking along side the sea,collecting seashells,then i saw stars as our heads collided  we both reached for the same shell,laughter tried to calm both our embarresments  .it was a windy day,  my eyes first gazed into his,i want
ed to ask him his name,but the wind caught my breath  quickly like the fluttering of  butterflys wings in my stomach,melting my heart,a feeling i have never known .both of our heads set upon the sea he spoke,im forester,and i am so sorry if i gave you a headache?no just a wake up call,perhaps i should be more aware of my surroundings,and not the shells.im clare.we must have walked down that beach for miles on end,i remember the blisters quite well,   white sand radiating intense heat through my sandals  poor feet were scorched.the next few years got even better.moonlit  dinners on the beach romance sparked as the  champagne bubbled through the years shared by movies,holding hands  forming a strong friendship.mix it all together and you have love,right?wrong.after all  this magic,it was like someone put a curse on our love life.my best friend, lover,everything just changed. tried and tried  massages in the dark,holding his hand,making romantic dinners.it is gone  all gone.my mind and heart dismayed,angered like the waves raging on a cold windy day at sea.the results are not good?conversations unspoken as the distance between us now can not be mended.and this is were it all begins,you no life can be a season,or love can be a season,are you starting to see why i feel that a 1/2 of diamond is dung?good,because i am not so sure you will want to follow me any more.im not a nice person at this point in my life,i have a cold heart,with bittered roots,hay wouldn,t you?if you are a guy and reading this story,I HOPE IT BLINDS YOU.if you are a girl with to many heartaches?FOLLOW ME.heading for the bank to collect my earnings from the same boring job as receptionist at the dentist,boring, boring, boring,.i thought to my self.i managed to save 5 hundred and 50 dollars thats it all of my savings from 20 years?mam this can not be right i should be in the thousands?you are right miss you should,just yesterday seems your husband with drew all that. that dirty,is there something wrong?not anymore.and if that didn,t take the cake id like to no what will.this just made my leaving him a whole lot easier.wait a minute,were am i going?home to pack my stuff.driving home winter set in as the snow flakes fell seadily,christmas was always my favorite holiday,always.until now.i am the grinch,with yellow stained teeth,stealing  joy.several cars ahead slid off the road,driving by i wanted to help,to late  im a full grown grinch.unable to feel,think,or desire to be human.fumbling thru the radio stations i heard jingle bell rock by brenda lee,singing and crying,not such a good combination.thats odd all the lights are on in our house,well his house now, im leaving.drawing closer to the front door hearing giggling,and loud laughter,i burst open the door with my right foot.finding 2 empty champagne botles on the floor,and forester feeding strawberries and chochlate to a blonde haired bimbo twit.what did you do with all of our money forester?
answer me? dam you dam you dam you you son of a bi…ch.i gave it to charity.i threw the remaining champagne they shared at the both of em.come on clare be realistic here nobody believes love can last for ever?well i did.heres to looking at ya as i slamed the front door, .no clothes,pj,s bed,home, tears flooding my face.cranked up my van.right here right now i will never ever ever love again.snow 2,or  3 inches pulling into the roadside cafe.coincidence or destiney
i bought a raffle ticket to win a 6 person tent, all the coleman utensils and bedding.the hot turkey sandwich craved my hunger pains,i dont think i ate a thing all day.778659085 quickly i threw my gloves on the floor as i fumbled to see if i won.yes yes i screamed out loud unknowingly.you can collect your gift on the way out mam,oh dont worry i will.a chill filled the air,as though the temperaure droped a good ten degrees.checking the weather situation out side, noticeing a man  wrapping himself in newspaper
to keep warm on the park bench across the street.im the grinch now,with yellow stained teeth,and i just won,after all the hell forester put me thru i deserved it,without feeling guilty about that man,i wasnt much better off than him,well atleast i had a tent that sleeps six,and of course i am only one.you can call me pity instead of clare.it is my party,not yours.as i mentioned my roots have grown bitter.how could i think such a selfish thing?on my way out i collected my prize.a bit heavy looks like there is a few goodies attached to this package.snow all over the windshield,my gloves all wet,so cranked up the heater  saw that man looking through a wire mesh garbage can,he picked up a cup of coffee,and drank it,as i watched his hands trembling..silent night was playing, tears uncontrollable tears for my self and this man.wow 2 blue sleeping bags what a nice goodie to attach to my ticket of good fortune.the large box also contained 2 blue camping chairs,with beverage holders on the side.if i only new how to put the tent together i might find a dry bush some where to sleep. tonight im sleeping in the van ,umm so nice and warm.the weather conditions to treacherous to drive tonight.ill sleep  here.tears,tears,and more tears fell on my pity party i filled it with anger,rage,loneliness.and a strong desire to murder forester.cept he aint worth doing time for,ill move forward some how some way.sleep arrived.i dont no how long i slept awokened by coughing, sat up and saw the man on the bench shaking.i impulsivley flung open the van door,yelling hay mister no response,i grabed the other sleeping bag and covered him with it.his face a bit blue,with a warm smile he said thank you.i felt no harm from this man so i invited to sleep in the van,cranked the heater up and watched his eyes see hope.are you ok?fine yes im fine now thanks to your kindness mr.s.are you homeless to or just stranded due to the weather?ah well sort of both.are you hungry,my treat.he tucked his head down and smiled as though to  sleep,taking the keys uncertain if he would steal the van. walking through what must have been 5 ft of snow,multicolored sleds zoom the  mountain tops,mothers wiping there childrens runny nosess  screeming to go home.there must have been a 1/2 dozen miss matched gloves stuck to the entrance at the cafe.ah so warm inside,noticing a large gift wraped in gold at the display stand.i wonder what is inside,excuse me mr.s you can buy a ticket for a dollar and see if you win in oh 15 minutes?sure why not.any idea what is inside the box sir?no mam only the lucky winner will access that.earlier at the cafe i won a tent,with a few extra goodies attached,it was such fun i remember exploring my prize quiet well,it was just as much fun as it was exciting.who knows mr.s perhaps you will get lucky and say win again?thanks,ill be keeping my fingers crossed on that one.i took peeks every now and then at the window shoping stores on my way to the cafe.knowing i couldn,t afford anything being this christmas for me was learning about how to survive on my own.i ordered him a hot turkey sandwich, hot apple pie alemode,completed it with 2 cups of coffee.dashed back to the display area to see if i could get lucky twice in the same day,god knows i deserve it,all though i take some blame my self,after all i was  commiting to a total MORON.pg768942 i looked at my ticket?no im not the winner this time,oh well as i hurried back to the van,not looking forward to that cold walk back,when the wind chill hits your face  whole body temp drops,i guess it is better than burning up during the summer? bout to exit out and a loud announcement repeated 3 times that the winning ticket holder did not show.i ran my self back to the display area hearing pg768942 oh my god thats me its me i won.once i calmed down i had enough sense to realize i could see what was inside the gift box.riped off the gold wrappin paper,pulled the tape off the box with my teeth to find a small envelope inside.an envelope so small it was unuseable. until i opened it,containing 10,000 dollars and the deed to a cottage along the oregons coast edge.thank you god thank you god thank you.pating my chest from shock.kissed the man on the cheek who handed me the box,scooped up my food,coffee,and unbelievable winnings.ran back to the van as fast as my body would allow,mister,mister,what is it mr.s you ok?am i ok,you bet i am.after i dumped the story down on him,he replied im happy for you.my eyes swelled up with tears as though a river was running over,i tried not to let him see,then he wiped my tears with his trembling hands,patted my back and said the lord is truly blessing you.yeah well he owed me one,you wouldnt believe how i got my self into this mess.not holding back i poured all my pain out to him.his response was this happened for a reason,just ask the lord,go on he is waiting.a bit confused i closed my eyes and pretended to pray.oh sweet jesus mam dont you feel like shouting hallejuiah?yes.well go on as loud as you can.i did it was wonderful.say i dont even no your name sir?mcoy,mccoy talledge.and yours?clare sinclare dubois.well sinclare nice to meet you.we spent the night sleeping.soon as morning broke i hit the road to my cottage,with10,000
dollars to boot.a bit selfish of me though i didnt try to wake mccoy or ask if he wanted to come with me to see the cottage.looks like another mall and restarant up ahead ill give him some money for clothes,food,and the  tent.mcoy no response,mccoy were about 75 miles from were we were are you hungry?you bet clare bacon,eggs,if it got a name i will eat it,i chuckled rather loudly.as we ate breakfast i engaged my self to ask him how and why he was homeless?cant tell you the the whole story clare,other than im on a mission from god.okay i had no response accept to ask him,are you crazy?was god crazy?no reply i just finished my breakfast.here take this 500 dollars get some clothes,food,and you can have my tent?okay  if you insist.do you want to come to oregon with me to see the cottage,or have me take you back?ill stay with you clare,out of the cold as long as i can.allright finish your coffee im going shopping to,,so we will meet back at the van say noon?noon it is clare,and thank you.i wanted to buy curtains,pillows etc.all accessories for my cottage,nah ill wait till i see it.besides i dont know the window size cant buy curtains until i do.have a holly jolly christmas by burl ives was playing through out the mall,giving me even more pep that i ever had since this all began.at walgreens i bought mccoy an electric razor and ,god knows he needed it.so do i.his eyes are a light blue,that reveals the oceans karma,body slender and tall.hair dark, to oily to tell you the color.oh yes his complexion ill let you know after he shaves.honestly he could be a handsome man,that is scary.atleast he doesn,t act like forester.we met at noon,as planed and mccoy was right on time.so i hid my gift under my coat,pretending to be cold.where to clare,which way?well i figure i need a bath,sure you need one to.so ill rent us a room we can stay there till mornin.watch tv,order pizza,sound like fun?no answer but a great big smile as he nodedd his head yes.we drove about 35 miles before finding a room.i soaked in the tub a good hour.turned off the lights in the bathroom and let calgon take me away.knock knock mccoy is someone at the door?yeah its the pizza guy.okay be out in a minute.flung the towell across my head,robed up and chowed down that delicous pizza wih mccoy.mind if i switch the station clare?em hm not at all go ahead make yourself at home,we both have to live here for the day.mcoy can you tell me something about yourself?what do you want to know?who are you?what happened?well bout 7 years ago i pastored my church.my wife programed the chior,and plays during special occassions.your wife?yes my wife.where is she?with the lord.im so sorry.dont be.just no that i loved her and miss her very very much.how long were you married?10 years.what happened?as i mentioned
she programed the chior and plays.nell was with the church kids that were  in the play for christmas.i was delivering turkeys and gifts to the less fortunate,then kaboom a loud explosion,every one was killed on impact?oh my god that is awful.no clare part of gods divine plan.what exploded,what happened?never will no the fire chief said the building just went up in flames,never found a cause of the fire.say my turn im going to take a hot bath.okay.must have been a good 2 hours he was in the tub,perhaps i should knock,see if he is okay?hello mccoy knock knock,yes clare?you okay in there?fine im fine just getting cleaned up.moments later,his complexion was a dark olive.what a handsome man he was all skivied up.how was your bath?heaven clare heaven.butterflys once again,the good part no stars remember me and forester bumped heads..we watched it happened one night one of those old fashioned love stories,kind of nice.clare your husband must have been blind
or just plain dumb,i hope you find better.oh no no no no me ill never ever ever love again a promise i made to myself.nite mccoy,im going to need my rest for the long drive tomorrow morning.nite clare.a few bumps in the nite woke me as mccoy fumbled to see in the dark,other than that mornin came quickly.sun in my face as i woke,the snow  starting to thaw,perfect for travel till the next storm moves in,we packed our few belongings and hit the road.how many miles before we get to oregon?dont know we will stop at a gas station and get a map,then ill tell ya okay?okay okay im so excited for you clare.all this is happening for a reason ya know?i know gods plan right?thats right.been driving for miles and miles no gas station in sight.well clare that just means we should be finding one real soon.so dont worry your pretty little head.thinking to myself,to late i have the butterflys again,and a bond forming with this pastor my my my.look its a miracle a gas station,if you can call it that,it sort of looks like a ghost town.is it even open.yep and someone pulling in right behind us.wait a minute oh my its ahh.what clare whats wrong?speaking of the devil,guess who just pulled in behind us?i dunno who?forester.dont worry clare ill get the gas and map stay in the car
you dont need to see him.thanks ill be waiting right here as patiently as i can.tap tap went my fingers on the dash,then i hunched down to pick up something i droped.well clare how are you?no reply.i saw your picture in the paper about the cottage and money you won?your point?not much just wanted to congratulate you.i saw mccoy puting gas in from the mirror.picked up an unexpected visiter clare.that is none of your business,howdy im mccoy as he reached to shake foresters hand,im forester just forest is a lot better.well you friends?lovers what?dont know mccoy replied on a mission from god.forest backed up drew  his fist,as he clenched tightly then pow hit mccoy right in the jaw,funny thing there was no impact on contact,oh my god you okay mccoy?fine just fine clare.i saw my husband hit you his fist went through your skin,there isnt even a mark on you,whats going on?i told you im on a mission from god.with that thought i took a deep breath and nodedd for us to hit the road.according to the map we have 25 miles to go.wow that quick clare.california really isnt that far from oregon,were we lived.a dark cloud passed over head as we drove off.so tell me mcoy why you chose to stay homeless?is this what your wife would have wanted?as i keep telling you im on a mission from god.come on mccoy lets cut to the chase ok?that is the chase,and my wife already knows,she is in heaven watching over us.a total white out appeared out of no were blinding me,i cant see mcoy i cant see the road,it just keeps snowing  getting worse.pull over clare ill drive.do you have a license?all that clare plus ive driven our church kids all over in road condiions  as these.okay if you say so.mcoy handled driving nicely.feeling comfortable with his driving i decided to close my eyes and take my mind off what just happened when forest hit mcoy.all his talk of being on a mission from god.just then the dj on the radio laughed out merry christmas.which ment it was midnight.oh hay here i got you a gift ,merry christmas.his trembling hands opened the gift, he was so excited with his electric razor.so was i.mcoy is such an appreciative man,yet mysterious,just something bout him
look mcoy 5 more miles to dunston.will you stay a few nights keep me company mcoy?ah sure i have nothing better to do.i moved nervously these last few miles.oh i wonder what it looks.like, either way mcoy i dont care,all i know is this is home.happy for you clare with his eyes of hope almost like he was searching me for something,not quite sure what.here we are clare 1407 grove lane,a small white cottage with blue trim,n  rounded  pikett fence.brown wicker  gazebo sat in the front yard,decorated with   purple christmas lights, draped in ivy.windows a victoian triangular.shape.
i lost track of mcoy,where could he be? hmm.probably went inside.on the cottage door way was a metallic blue bag stapled together,i swooped it up hello mcoy where did ya go?.echoes chanted the cottage,mccoy was no were to be found.oh he is somewere,hell show up.wow all i can say,front room is long and wide,connecting to the kitchen with a glass door. pink plush old bathtub with shower.my heart is content.i went back to the entrance, opening the blue metallic bag,inside was a photagraph of mcoy and his wife.taped to the back of it was a newspaper artice.under the photograph was a black bible.tears streaming down my face.i wanted to do so much more for mcoy, i have no one else.cold outside he is going to freeze to death,i ran back to the van to see if he took the tent.i found a note on it that read.save this for the next weary travler he wil be living,read the newspaper article.i felt abandoned,empty,like the cottage.i opened the article began reading about the church fire mcoy talked briefly about.showed the names of the deceased at the very bottom column read mcoy taledge.that cant be?wait when forest hit him he didnt move,my god he really was on a mission from god.tears of joy,and loneliness entered my spirit.my guardian angel guided me safley home,with that thought i opened the bible he gave me to genesis,in the crease was a book mark reading always your guardian angel.peace entered my soul tonight.some where between reading the bible,and sleep a glowing auroa kept me company.i know it,s you mcoy,thank you for driving in the snow,bringing me home safley,without you i would have crashed and been killed.mcoy say hi to your wife nell,most important tell the lord thank you.i guess mcoy really was on a mission from god.perhaps the weary traveler mcoy left the tent for will be an earthly angel.funny i thought it was him.