As a 26 year old woman I have realised that the life I once knew and loved has become a distant memory the day I truly looked inside of my own heart and found my true identity. I have dated several guys and in all of them I was looking for true love, security and someone to love me the same way I would love them. When I figured out that I was a closeted bisexual woman I didn’t know what to do next where its going to take me, where do I go if I want to embrace my sexuality and its in the form of writing and reading on fem-slash. I did research talking to other lesbians to see is what I am okay. But the down part of being bisexual is nobody knows I am. None of my relatives or my friends has any idea because I am so afraid of the rejection and treatment I would get from loving another woman.

Daily we come across small minded people. Most people will throw the bible in our faces saying we are sinners. But if that is so why am I like this, why am I attracted to females and not men. Why was I made this way if it’s wrong?

I didn’t choose this lifestyle, I didn’t wake up one morning and tell myself today I am going to stop wanting boys and go for girls it’s not that at all. I have spoken to my therapist friend and he asked me questions like did I have my father in my life, do we have a relationship that just maybe that is why I am confuse by the fact that I am gay. To me that is all stupid cause we are all people with our own feelings and destinies and just maybe the fact that my dad weren’t there and the fact that I had my mother and my grandmother as my major care givers make me end up being gay that is totally wrong. In each of us there are different DNA’s. We aren’t born gay neither do we choose to live the way of life. It’s what is in our hearts that matters, the heart wants what it wants and neither the world are your family can change that.

There is nothing wrong with us, we are human, some of us are called lipstick lesbians, some butch but you know what we are equal, I don’t believe in labelling myself.
Like in this world they always label you. I am just me. Nothing has changed. I am still the same girl facing my everyday life just like anyone else.

What if I want to one day share my life with my partner, what if I want to have a marriage or raise children with her, will I be stopped of having a family. In different cultures and religions it’s different. There are going to be small minded people there are going to be those ones who will accept you as who you are.

My biggest dream is to come out to my family and tell them this is who I am. I love myself enough to accept the decision I am about to live with and if you do have a problem with it then I am sorry you going to miss out on this journey I had to go through to get here.

It wasn’t easy to come out, it wasn’t easy to face something you are new too. But in this time I came out to accept myself I learnt that I have strength and I have become to grow in myself spiritually. I can still stand up and thank God everyday for bringing me through the confusion because he knew I was trapped in my own self.

I had depression fighting my inner self and it wasn’t good because I had to go through it on my own. It made me feel like I don’t fit into this world that I had no place amongst the normal people, but what is normal really, how many girls are out there living with the same fear I have been living for over ten years. The same fear that of being happy they will loose there families instead they hide who they are and what they love. the day I accepted who I am and the day I told my friend that I am gay, it was the best day in my entire life, the day I stopped pretending to be someone I am not. It felt like a ton of bricks weighting on my shoulders has fallen off as I came to tell a few people who I trust and loved enough to tell. The only person I am more afraid to tell is my mother.

Some days I sit and asked myself just do it, just tell her she loves you, she brought you into this life. She would accept you but there is always that little voice saying don’t.

Being gay isn’t the end to our lives, we can still have families, and we can still do all the mothering and the teaching. I am just a girl wanting to be accepted, wanting to ask my family to see my as the girl who grew up in front of there eyes. The only thing that has changed is that I am happy. I have never been happier than the day I accepted my orientation. That another girl can make my heartbeat faster then any guy has ever done.

I have fallen in love for the first time in my life I have found love. A love that is so amazing yet so intense all at the same time. I hope that in time I can shout to the world that I am happy, that I have found someone that makes me happy on a good day and a bad day. That we are all the same, our love is the same.

Like someone once said, we don’t choose who we love, we also don’t get the choice, love finds us. It is what is written in the stars, got to do with destiny and faith.

Just no this love has no boundaries.

Love me for me not for who I love.