The insight brought by this class member to the conclusion that they commit emotional and spiritual terrorism on themselves and in turn at times projects their pain onto others in their life. I remember sitting there listening to this person speak and thinking to myself, Huh. This person has really got something here.’ It caused me to reflect on myself and how I have poisoned myself and the people in my life through my own emotional garbage that has built up over most of my adult life. 

See, for most of my life, I always played the victim; the martyr. I’m not really certain when I decided to take on this role, but once I fell into it, it was easy to BE it. I played the role of victim, and I played it well. Even now, after nearly 5 years of spiritual growth and mental/spiritual/emotional reprogramming, I find times where I STILL commit emotional/spiritual damage on myself and others. 

I’ll use an example from my own life to demonstrate just how detrimental this process can be:

I’ve been involved with a very special, very loving man for over a year now. There is a substantial age difference between us two, yet, when I am at ease of allowing the blossoming of our romance, our relationship is amazing. He is most definitely my twin flame, my beloved Eternal. I know that no matter what happens in this world, we will always have one another..

Yet, there is this voice of relationships past that likes to eat away at the beautiful experience that he and I share. The thought process usually starts with AM I doing everything I can to make him happy?’ What if I’m not making him happy?’ What if I lose him for some reason?’ What if I’m not good enough?’ Maybe I should just end it now, just to be safe…’

And on and on and on it goes. After a trail of destructive thought processes, I find myself in a defeated heap, weeping into the phone with my beloved, and he has done little to nothing to warrant my emotional projection onto him. So, now, I have not only poisoned myself, but I have attempted to poison him too. 

This is one human example of emotional/spiritual terrorism. Throughout my life, I had placed myself or found myself in situations in which I’d been abused or I’d expected to be abused, and guess what nearly always happened? The thoughts and doubts and negative energy that I’d sown were the effects and actions and occurrences that I reaped. 

But the positive thing through all this is that I have begun to recognize when I am doing this to myself I am able to make positive movements to prevent it from affecting others in my life that I love. Another positive is that every single self-inflicted negative thing that I had ever experienced has prove to be a great tool for self-analysis, renewal, and growth. Additionally, this growth has allowed me to recognize negative thought patterns, halt them, and treat them with positive energy, but most importantly, I no longer inflict this negative energy upon my loved ones!

My instructor for my class stated something that also stuck out to me as a result of the conversation on emotional/spiritual terrorism. It’s like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.’

A quite poignant point, if I may say so, myself. What I realized through this method of self-analysis (with respect to my relationship with my beloved) is that the only way I can make him happy is by making myself happy first. Thus, bringing an end to my self-defeating emotional/spiritual terrorism.